My name is Stacie and I am an agist. I have never been interested in dating anyone more than a few years older or younger than me. My friend, Tonya, though... Well, she's quite different.
We begin by chatting about our friendship when I was newly divorced from Lanie's dad and she was single, as well. We, along with another friend, called ourselves the Neapolitan Sundae. We three friends were different in many ways and our preferences when it came to men were different too. Tonya noticed back then, when I was 31, that I was biased when it came to age.
Tonya shares the story of how she and her boyfriend of 11 years now met. There is a 16 year age gap that Tonya was initially uncomfortable with. When they met, Tonya was turning 41 and Brennan was 25. Tonya resisted Brennan initially, but Brennan persisted!
We discuss some concerns about dating much younger or older:
We have an in-depth discussion about how attraction and chemistry may be different when you date younger or older. We shift the discussion to Tonya convincing me to date younger men.
I was approached by HULU for a female empowering show casting women over 40 to date young men. I share all the details!
We discuss the family dynamics and age... If the man is closer in age to my mom than me, I'm not into it. Tonya tells about meeting Brennan's parents. SPOILER ALERT - They were very accepting and loving!
I told Tonya my theory that 39-40 isn't the right age for me to date. Tonya dispels my theory.
Tonya and I talk about sex and how disappointing it can be over 40. Tonya transparently shared how fantastic her and Brennan's sex life is. She highly recommends having sex with younger men!
Tonya gives me a pep talk and advice to not get hung up on age and advises me to date YOUNGER MEN, not older.
My name is Stacie and I am an agist. I have never been interested in dating anyone more than a few years older or younger than me. My friend, Tonya, though... Well, she's quite different.
We begin by chatting about our friendship when I was newly divorced from Lanie's dad and she was single, as well. We, along with another friend, called ourselves the Neapolitan Sundae. We three friends were different in many ways and our preferences when it came to men were different too. Tonya noticed back then, when I was 31, that I was biased when it came to age.
Tonya shares the story of how she and her boyfriend of 11 years now met. There is a 16 year age gap that Tonya was initially uncomfortable with. When they met, Tonya was turning 41 and Brennan was 25. Tonya resisted Brennan initially, but Brennan persisted!
We discuss some concerns about dating much younger or older:
We have an in-depth discussion about how attraction and chemistry may be different when you date younger or older. We shift the discussion to Tonya convincing me to date younger men.
I was approached by HULU for a female empowering show casting women over 40 to date young men. I share all the details!
We discuss the family dynamics and age... If the man is closer in age to my mom than me, I'm not into it. Tonya tells about meeting Brennan's parents. SPOILER ALERT - They were very accepting and loving!
I told Tonya my theory that 39-40 isn't the right age for me to date. Tonya dispels my theory.
Tonya and I talk about sex and how disappointing it can be over 40. Tonya transparently shared how fantastic her and Brennan's sex life is. She highly recommends having sex with younger men!
Tonya gives me a pep talk and advice to not get hung up on age and advises me to date YOUNGER MEN, not older.
Welcome to man shopping with Stacy, where I share my real transparent dating and life experiences for your amusement and inspiration. I'm your host, Stacey weer, and your listing to season two, episode five, come on to the Cougar den. Don't be scared. Now don't be shy. Come on in. You are all invited to listen to a little talky. Talk with my very funny friend in this episode, I'm going to introduce you to my friend, Tony. Yes, she is the chocolate to my vanilla in our Sunday.<laugh> we are going to explore age gaps, specifically dating and relationships with either older or younger partners. And I'm hoping that Tony can help me with my, um, discrimination issue, which is ageism. She and I have very different opinions and experiences, and she is the perfect person to talk to, um, to share this discussion with. So I can't wait to introduce her to you. My name is Stacy and I am an agist<laugh>. That is my confession, my confession today. And, um, my friend Tony over here is, is just not, she's just not<laugh> and I, I want her to, uh, to just, uh, give you a quick hello, and then I'm gonna tell you about how we met.
Speaker 2:Hello?
Speaker 1:<laugh> there she is.<laugh> so, uh, Tony and I became friends, I think real soon after I moved to Kansas city and we were both single, I was about 30 years old. How old would that have made you? Do you remember? Oh
Speaker 2:Gosh, no. Um, probably 40.
Speaker 1:Okay. Yeah. Yeah. So, so we were the chocolate and vanilla, as I said to our Neopolitan Sunday with our, um, Filipino friend who was the strawberry and we would hit the town and go out and like pick up guys. It was easy and fun back then. We just like, we just, uh, somehow like laws of attraction were at play and while I was ridiculously guarded and would tell guys like, oh my gosh, like you're a baby you're way too young for me. Tony's like Burr on the boys. Um, so tell me about that. Like, when we first met you, um, were just starting to date Brennan, can you kind of describe Brennan and you and kind of how things started?
Speaker 2:Yeah. Interesting story enough.<laugh> um, and yes, it was bring on the boys, but they had to be of age course, you know, not real boys, young men. That is a good clarifier. Yes, yes, yes, no pedophile stuff going on here. Um, yeah, so it was interesting because yeah, I met you and we were kind of free and had great times out. And I know I used to always scold you on stop telling people they're too young and, you know, give it a chance. Um, well then it came to bite me in the butt big time, um, because Brennan was 25 when I met him and I was 40 mm-hmm<affirmative> um, Gary would be 41. And so, uh, we met in a bar, which is interesting enough because I know this day and age that's doesn't happen. Doesn't happen. Mm-hmm<affirmative> totally unlikely. Mm-hmm<affirmative> so I'm kind of glad I avoided that whole like online dating, cuz it was really organic counter
Speaker 1:Blessings<laugh>
Speaker 2:Yes, definitely. Mm-hmm<affirmative> uh, especially when I hear stories on your podcast, I'm like, whoa<laugh>
Speaker 1:Thanks. Thanks Tony.
Speaker 2:Not a problem, not a problem, but um, yeah, I mean he approached me, um, we danced and he's six, seven tall, tall drink of water, right?
Speaker 1:How tall are
Speaker 2:You? Uhhuh? I'm five nine, but with heels about six one Uhhuh<affirmative> um, so, you know, we're we call ourselves the twin towers mm-hmm<affirmative> but yeah, he, you know, he walked in and my girlfriend who I was with at the time saw him and said, oh my gosh, this guy just walked in. Totally your type. And I turned around and he was young and I was like, oh, no way too young way too young. And she's like, oh no, don't worry about it. And, and which I was kind of laughing at myself now because I used to tell Stacy not to worry about young and you know, just go and see if there's a connection mm-hmm<affirmative>. So, uh, fast forward, we started talking after dancing and he asked me for my number and I wouldn't give it to him because again, I was like, you're too young. And so I finally asked how old are you? And he said 25 and I almost spit out my drink<laugh><laugh>. And he was like, why, how old are you? Which at the time I wasn't even telling, you know, prospects how old I was, because why, you know? And, uh, I just blurted out 41, divorced twice with two kids. And he was like, so, and I was like, uh, okay, where do I go from here? Um, very persistent asked for my phone number a couple of times throughout the night. I said, no, he, uh, finally gave me his number and I told him, I don't call guys. And he said, well, then gave me your number. And here we are 11 years later.<laugh>
Speaker 1:I love it. I love your story. Um, and I know Brennan too, I mean, not super tight or anything, but I've known him through the years and it's been an absolute blast watching your all's lives unfold.<laugh> that's for sure. So some of my reservations, I think with younger guys, um, I'll just, I'm just gonna be real vulnerable and tell you, so one of them is, um, an issue that I don't even, I would be shocked if it's on your list of worries. And it's like, I feel like I would be insecure about aging. Like, you know what I mean? Like, am I gonna look a lot older than him? Am I gonna am? Can I keep my body up? You know what I mean? Like physically and will people look at us funny?
Speaker 2:Yeah. And that is honestly one thing that you're right. I don't think about because um, appearance comes and goes. I mean, I actually feel like I look better now than I did
Speaker 1:When I<laugh>, you guys, it's not even fair. It's not like all post photos with Tony and it's not even fair. And that's why I prefaced it with you probably don't even worry about this, but yeah, that's, it's tough. Yeah. Like to think about that for Mo for your average person, like that's a concern.
Speaker 2:Well, and, and honestly, whenever Brendan and I are out, people always think he's older. Mm-hmm<affirmative>, you know, um, especially when we're on vacation together, mm-hmm,<affirmative> people always assume he's older. Um, and you know, he does have an old soul. I'm not gonna say he doesn't, but then I also am very young and vivacious and I'm very out there and, you know, kind of the part life of the party,
Speaker 1:She's so vivacious. That is the best adjective ever for you. Thank
Speaker 2:You. Mm-hmm<affirmative> um, but yeah, I, I just think that, you know, what was funny that you bring that up now that I think back to it, that was one of actually his concerns about being without me, you know, because there was such a age gap. And if you haven't done the math it's 16 years. Mm-hmm<affirmative> he, um, I remember one of our first conversations about dating is he said that, you know, I really want a long term relationship and I'm afraid as we get older, you know, you might die on me.<laugh> and I was like, white, what?
Speaker 1:Okay. So I get that from the opposite perspective. And honestly I've said that before about me dating older men mm-hmm<affirmative> and I hate to even say it, but I'm going to, I don't wanna get ripped off or short change, like fall in love with somebody, build a life with them and then only get 10 years or, or whatever, like that hurts my heart thinking about it. So here I am just putting up walls. Like, I can't date you because you're not gonna be around long enough potentially.
Speaker 2:Yeah. And, and again, you know, he was 25 and so, you know, that's where I was thinking, okay, I get your perspective in a sense. Mm-hmm<affirmative>, you know, cuz obviously when we're all 25, we think forties old and you're gonna die next year. Um, but you know, the great thing about it is, you know, again, we, we talk through it and then look, look about, you know, the fact that he was single, no children mm-hmm<affirmative> you know, that wasn't, uh, a subject that came up. Well, fortunately for him, I wanted another child,
Speaker 1:Ding, ding, ding, this is another problem I have<laugh> this is another I I've. Okay. So I've now dated or gone on dates with, let's say maybe about five guys who are right around my age or slightly younger, like maybe they're 39 and I'm 44. Many of them have wanted babies, many of them. So I'm like, why am I wasting my time? Like dating these younger guys when they want, they want children or they're undecided. And they think that they are gonna be good in life with or without, and then I would always have this fear that they're going to decide that it's really important to them. And then I am not their person because I, unlike you do not want to have more babies.
Speaker 2:Yeah. And honestly, this day and age, I'm finding a lot more, uh, men do not want to have children, you know? And so, you know, Brennan at the time he, you know, he was like, I don't want children now. You know, I want, you know, cuz he was starting his career. Um, and so he was like, I, you know, have, you know, a while before I went children and I said, well, I don't. Um, so we, you know, purposely planned is what I like to call it. And now we have a beautiful son named Cason. How
Speaker 1:Old's Cason now
Speaker 2:He's nine, just turned nine<laugh>. So you know, a couple of years into the relationship we decided, okay, let's go for it. And again, being older, I thought it would take a while. That's the good thing about young men? My doctor even said, he knows it might take a year. You know, because at the time my, my child was I think eight, maybe yeah. Eight years old at the time. And he said, it might take you a while because you're older and it's been a while. Oh no first try
Speaker 1:<laugh> yeah. You defied the, the odds again because you are super human. Um, for sure, for sure. I love that though. And I'm glad that that subject came up because, and, and quite frankly, age aside, it, it comes up like that. You're not maybe at the same place in life, um, as the other person, like when it comes to having kids or not having kids. So you also just touched on his career. So this is another concern of mine. Like I tend to have like traditional, I like the traditional roles of like, you know, not necessarily like, I don't know, like on a first date, I want the guy to take the check. I do. Like if I'm being honest, like I want him to, because if he asked me out and you know, he's pursuing me, I like that. I like that chase. I like that. He, um, you know, it's not like I'm his guest, but kind of like, he invited me I'm out to dinner with him. Um, I always offer always, always, always. And I do think that younger men split checks with me.
Speaker 2:Oh my God. No, it,
Speaker 1:It happens. Okay.
Speaker 2:First of all, I'm gonna, I'm gonna have to recant that because first of all, like what you were setting up in regards to, I like them to ask me out and pay for the check young guys do that too. I've gone out with older man that have like looked at me and I'm like, you know, the, he goes, the pizza was$20. And I said, okay. And I literally was like, is he want me to pay half for this pizza? And so I pulled out a 20 and he tried to give me change. Oh God. And I said, no, keep it
Speaker 1:<laugh>. So we're done here.
Speaker 2:We're done. You know? And that was an older guy or a guy my age when I was dating before Brennan. So I don't think that's necessarily an age thing. I think that's just
Speaker 1:Cheaps
Speaker 2:Skate thing. Yeah. Cheaps skate.<laugh> you know, which I say bye to them too,
Speaker 1:Right? Yeah. Okay. No, I get it. So, um, we talked about this a little bit prior to recording, but prior to Brennan, um, did you tell me your dating experience with, in regards to age? So did you date men, um, a lot younger or a lot older or right around your
Speaker 2:Age? Well, um, well I ha let me go back into my little Rolodex<laugh> I know, right? Um, no. And for those of you who don't know what a Rolodex are,<laugh><laugh> good job. Exactly. Love it. Yeah. Right. We might have the preference, what that is. Um, anyway, um, no, I think like my first, uh, ex is, uh, two years older, we met in college, did the whole traditional graduate college, had the two kids, the picket fence, the dog went to church every Sunday. Um, and then my second ex, uh, was two years younger. Um, and at the time I didn't think much of it because two years why, you know, mm-hmm<affirmative>. And so once I divorced him, I did get on slightly cuz that's when online dating first came out. So I was on match for a quick hot second mm-hmm<affirmative> um, and a lot of the guys I was dating were probably my age or older mm-hmm<affirmative> um, and you know, what I found is just didn't have a lot in common with them. Mm-hmm<affirmative> I don't think it was necessarily a age thing as much. It was just, you know, who I am as a person I'm very young at heart. Um, I like to be spontaneous. I like to do a lot of things. Even when I had young children at home, they would go with their dad and I would just meet up with you girls. Yeah. And hang out all night, you know? Yes. Um, so, and then, you know, once I started really actively seeking a partner, uh, I did date a couple guys that were older. Uh, and you know, honestly I just, I remember this young man or older man and bless his heart. He tried to kiss me and I turned the cheek because I just wasn't physically attract. Yeah. I think it's a attraction thing
Speaker 1:For me. I, I think that that is the same for me too. And you know, it's hard to gauge attraction by looking at photos, just still photos of men on dating apps sometimes. Um, because I do think that there's something to be said for how a man carries himself and how he speaks and all of that, which is why I think FaceTime is such a good way to screen, you know, the chemistry factor. But that is a big piece of it for me, I think. And it's a little, it kind, it, it bothers me about myself because I don't wanna be shallow, but then I also have to be true to my own feelings and I need to be attracted to the person that I'm dating. And I can't, it's not something that you can just force. I don't think so. I guess that makes me feel good that we have that in common
Speaker 2:<laugh> well, and physical appearance is anything, everything, even whatever age you are, because every anybody who knows me, um, which I'm sure there's gonna be a lot of people on this podcast who do, um, anybody who knows me, they will say, I have a type, you know, and that's where my girlfriend, when Brennan walked in, he was my type mm-hmm<affirmative> and you know, and so, uh, it wasn't necessarily about his age more as his physical, you know, attraction of tall, dark, you know, nice. But you know, played, played college ball mm-hmm<affirmative>, you know, so athletic, you know, had the abs. And so, yeah, so it was just more of my type. And so I think with older men, unfortunately, that just isn't my type
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm<affirmative>. So before we started recording, I showed Tony some photos of some guys that she knows the stories of and we've chatted about, but you know, either she's lost track or we ha, or I just haven't shown the faces that are behind the nicknames<laugh> um, but she was surprised, I think at kind of my type it's actually not that far off from your type. I don't think like these are some like tall athletic. Yeah. Um, tall, dark and handsome kind of guys. But then I did show you one older guy, maybe 10 years older than the first two, 10 to 13 year. No, maybe. Yeah. That doesn't matter. Yeah. Slightly older. And did you think he was still within, like what you could envision me with or do you think he looked older or like, not someone that I would like, like we would make a cute couple, I guess.
Speaker 2:Um, cuz you look really young Stace and um, that's the good thing too about<laugh> our, you know, who we are as people we do keep up with ourselves mm-hmm<affirmative> and he wasn't a very attractive man. Mm-hmm<affirmative> um, I personally, if I saw him in a bar, I probably wouldn't approach him if I was single. Just because again, just the look of age mm-hmm<affirmative> and, and that's where I'm picking up an age, as I know, oh my God.
Speaker 1:It's not supposed to go this way for the record. She's supposed to convince me to not<laugh> to not feel this way, but you, but let's think about it. You're with a younger man. So maybe that's where we need to focus me dating younger men and not, uh, convincing me to date older men.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Cuz I think we need to turn the tide here cuz I'm gonna get yelled
Speaker 1:At. Okay. So we we'll talk like we're in the Cougar den now. Yeah. Let's go with the Cougar. We're in the Cougar den. And um, I know that I kind of briefly told you a little bit about this, um, Hulu dating show. So I was on Instagram one day and I read a DM from this young, beautiful thing who lives in Southern California. And she reached out to me and she was like, Hey love. And she gave me a sweet compliment and then asked if I was still single or looking for love. And I was like, why? Yes I am. You know, where, where are you going with this? And so she messaged me and asked if we could have a phone conversation. She said that she was a casting agent working for a casting director hosting for a new Hulu dating show that has yet to air on television. And so I was like, oh yeah, I'm up for anything. So call me. So we spoke the next day and she told me the premise of the show and she began by telling me that the show was very empowering for women. That that was really their intent behind the show. And I'm like, okay, well tell me more, how is it empowering? And she said, well, there will be women cast on the show who are all over the age of 40 all kind of not struggling in their dating lives, but haven't found the one for various reasons and we mix it up. And would you consider<laugh> maybe the reason that you haven't found your love is because you've been looking in the wrong, you know, pool of men and perhaps you should be dating da, da, da, da, young dudes.<laugh> like young dudes, like, like they, I saw the ad where they were casting the men, like on Instagram, they were putting it out there, like to get interest from the guys. And they were as young as 21 years old<laugh> I was like, oh my gosh. And I, and so I told her I'm like, I mean, I'm up for anything, right. Like, okay, sure. Like I would totally put myself out there and I've never dated anybody younger. Yes I would. Okay, sure. So I kind of like went along with this casting process and I filled out an application. I submitted photos, all of this stuff. And then in a short amount of time, um, she reached back out to me via email and said that they wanted to set up a zoom interview with the casting director. And I was like, holy, this is getting real. Like, what am I getting myself into? I called a couple of other people, like in the entertainment industry that I know. And I, they are like warning me against doing reality television. They're like, oh my God, they can shine a really negative light on you. You could be made out to, you know, look like a, you know what, uh, uh, you know, you could be a total on the show. People may hate you. And I'm like, no, probably not. Like<laugh> like, they, like, I would be like a hard person to cast as like the mean girl, but I'm sure they could make me look stupid or, you know, or, you know, yeah. So, um, so anyway, I went through lots of like conversations where people were warning me about it. And then I went along with it anyway, cuz that's what I do and put myself out there and I did the zoom interview. I actually posted photos on Instagram. I was in this hot red dress. They told me to dress like I would like on a date with one of these guys. And so I seriously practiced makeup because I'm suck at makeup. I practiced makeup for like three days<laugh> and like the bronze are on and like this tight red dress and I'm like, I'm here and this is as hot as it gets, you know? And so I'm talking to this casting director and she was like really specific questions. I mean, at it's just a personality interview, just, you know, be true to yourself. Okay. Well I can do that all day long. Right. So then she's like, um, so what kind of guys are you into? And I'm like, how do I make the guys that I'm into sound young?<laugh> I don't know, like IM very attracted to humor. Like I have found that it's very hard to find funny guys and it didn't like, I never had that problem in my entire life until now. And now I go on dates and I feel like I'm on a business interview. And so she kind of played off of things like that, that I said, um, and she was like, well, when I go out with guys in their fifties and she's like young and I'm like, you, I I've never gone out with a guy in his fifties yet. So needless to say, are you shocked Tony? That I don't, I did not get chosen for the show.<laugh> I don't think I put up a very convincing front that I would be like really spontaneous and crazy and wild and like go nuts over these young hot guys. Well,
Speaker 2:21 is Connie young. I mean, come on.
Speaker 1:I mean half my age. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah. That's young. And, and the interesting fact that I was going to point out earlier is I dated Brennan when he was 25 and soon to be 26. But when my son, my oldest son turned 25 Brennan made a point to point that out that, you know, we started dating when I was 25.
Speaker 1:I'm so glad you said that because one of the questions and I, I think that this may have played into like the interview, probably not going that well too.<laugh> cause she threw me a little bit of a curve ball and she was like, well, what does your, what does your daughter think about? Or what would your daughter think about, about, um, you being on a show like this? And all that I could think of was the non-disclosure and how I wasn't supposed to talk about it. You know? And so I had had conversations with Elany about it. I never would've interviewed without discussing it with her. So I, it kind of threw me off guard and I was really cautious about the words that I use, but I was like, oh my gosh, my daughter is supportive. And she is of anything that I do. She trusts my judgment. It would be fine. And they're like, how old is she again? And I was like, well, she's almost 17. And I don't think that plays very well into their, you know what I mean? I'm gonna guess that the other women either don't have kids or they're probably young. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Because I mean, that's the one thing that, you know, we kind of joke about Brenna and I, because he actually would probably be more acceptable dating my daughter<laugh>, you know, than me, you know? Oh my
Speaker 1:Gosh. So how old is your
Speaker 2:Daughter? Well, my daughter just turned 24 and he's 36. Oh. You know<laugh> yeah, that would probably be a little bit more acceptable than 36 and 52.
Speaker 1:Okay. I don't wanna forget. I have two different things. I'm gonna make a note. Um, cuz I, I, I think that this is valid and before we started recording, Tony's like I have a real hang up with that phrase. Like age is just a number because yeah. I mean it's so cliche and, and all of that. Okay. So first of all, I just have a funny joke because when I really did tell Laney about this Hulu show, she was all for it. She was like, oh God mom, you've gotta do that. That would be so fun. And I was like, but do you think I'd even like, I'm not gonna fall in love. Like at least I feel comfortable going on a show like that because I will not make an outta myself cuz there's no way, like I would really get an attachment with any of these guys. And she goes, well, I mean, they're all gonna like you because I mean all my high school boyfriends like you and I was like, oh God, okay. So I wanted to say that. But then in talking about your family dynamics and Brennan kind of being in the middle of your age and your daughter's age, that is seriously where my brain goes. When older men ask me out, I do the math. Are they closer in age to my mom than me?<laugh> because my mom had me at 23. Oh, okay. And so she's, she's 67. So if a 55 year old guy asked me out, I'm like, oh, does that make him close? You know? Yeah.
Speaker 2:And that, and you know, and that's so funny because obviously, you know, I didn't think about it at the time. But then when that got brought to my attention, when my oldest son turned 25, it really made me reflect on, oh my God, what did your parents think? Because I do remember. Oh right. Yeah. I do remember having that conversation when Brennan and I first started dating, I sat his parents down and I said, okay, what do you think? And they're like, well, what do you mean? And I said, you're, it's their only child who is from a small town outside of Wichita, 25 years old, white.
Speaker 1:I was waiting, waiting for you to say that
Speaker 2:Uhhuh just graduated, you know, from chiropractic school and here the, you know, he's bringing home a 41 year old, black female who is twice divorced with three children and has been in her career for quite some time. Right. Owns her own home. Mm-hmm<affirmative> pretty successful. Mm-hmm<affirmative> like, what were they thinking and saying that that was okay.
Speaker 1:<laugh> but they did.
Speaker 2:They did totally. They, I mean, you know, they were very like, we think it's great. We think you're a good, you know, partner for him.
Speaker 1:Well, but it's because it's you, you know what I mean? Like it is because you are a lovely person, you're not threatening you, you obviously have a pure heart. And um, you weren't like some manipulative, older woman trying to take advantage of some like young kid or something come in the boy. Yeah. I mean, so I get it. And that is kind of part of our conversation too, is, you know, we're all just people. Yeah. We're all just here on this planet living and it's all about our connections that we make and you, you just can't help it sometimes who you fall in love with or who you, you know, choose to be with. And I'm glad that they could see that
Speaker 2:Well, but then again, my son would bring home girls and they would leave and I'd text him and say, break up with her.<laugh><laugh> you know, so I'm not that sweet and kind as you wanna put me out to me, you know, so, you know, I do think about like, oh my gosh, you know, I adore his parents for just having that open mind and allowing him to choose his heart and choose who he wants to be with. Because quite honestly, I don't know if I could have done the same thing, which I know sounds horrible, but
Speaker 1:No, I love that. You just admitted that. Yeah. Because that's, that's what we do here.<laugh>, that's what we do. And the Cougar did we just get really honest and, and that's true though, because I've, I, yeah. I mean, in raising kids, you wonder like when you get in these predicaments with them or like life, life happens, like how will you react? And some of these things are like age and, and all it's just ingrained in us and we have strong feelings, thus they're hard to overcome.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Oh man. So, um, I also wanted to talk a little bit about like just the, the dynamics of dating, right. So I do not hang out with a very young crowd. Like I have a few girlfriends that are like 30 ish, early thirties, um, a couple, well, like one or two younger guys that are maybe closer to mid thirties, but for the most part, my crowd is older. Mm-hmm<affirmative> most of them are through our industry, through pharmaceutical sales or, um, you know, parents of Laney's friends, neighbors, like whatever. Um, even some just in our social scene or they're much older than me. Um, so I find it strange, I guess, that I choose to te to hang with an older crowd, but I don't date in an older crowd
Speaker 2:<laugh> yeah, because I'm the opposite in that all my friends are younger. Mm-hmm<affirmative>, you know, I have a few friends that might be a little older, but not much. And they have the same kind of heart as I do. So they act young. So I tend to hang out, you know, and be around younger people. And I think that's where I am attracted to younger men. Mm-hmm<affirmative> because of who I am and kind of my energy and what it brings to the table. So that's interesting that you are around older people, but don't date them. So who do you date Stacy,<laugh> you
Speaker 1:Date? I try to date people right around my age and you know, it's funny, even when I first got onto Bumble after my second divorce and, you know, you set the age range that you're interested in meeting<laugh> it was like, so ridiculous. I was 42 and I think I set it from like 39 to 45<laugh> I was like, that's it? 39 to 45 and then low and behold, I couldn't tell you how many men I've dated that are 39 or 40 years old. A lot of 39 and 40 year old men. And I have decided that that's just really not that great of an age. Why for me<laugh> I, I think a lot of, I think most of it is because they're guys that have never been married and so the kids stuff starts to come up and yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah. And that's the thing too, but you're gonna have some guys at 40 mm-hmm<affirmative>, you know, some guys, even at 50 mm-hmm<affirmative>, you know, and that's why they date younger mm-hmm<affirmative> is because they kind of want a second chance of being a father. You know, a lot of those successful men that are 50 plus, you know, they were working during the time that kids were young. So they wanna kind of get the hot trophy wife so that they can kind of relive their youth in a sense and be there for their kids, with, you know, established money in a sense. So, I mean, it's just, that's why I don't like that age as a number.
Speaker 1:I know, I know,
Speaker 2:Because it doesn't matter, you know, what age somebody could be at a certain part in their life at 25, like Brennan was right. Or I could date somebody that actually didn't tell me his age at 52, because I don't know why. And he was,
Speaker 1:Was he was worried about how you'd react to it. Well, you
Speaker 2:Think, no, I just think he was just very selfish and a very, you know, um, insecure type of person. So
Speaker 1:You felt deceived. Oh,
Speaker 2:Very mm-hmm<affirmative> very, I mean, and um, he, you know, I remember going on a trip with him and he literally flew home the next morning, so he can go watching Nebraska football game. Mm
Speaker 1:Okay. And left you there. Yeah. I'm like, okay, that's not
Speaker 2:A left. That's your, son's the quarterback. Right.
Speaker 1:<laugh>
Speaker 2:We're good. Yeah. We're
Speaker 1:Done. Yeah. You
Speaker 2:Know,
Speaker 1:So that's no excuse for that.
Speaker 2:Yeah. That was 52. Mm-hmm<affirmative> selfish. Mm-hmm<affirmative>, you know, and you know, just wanted to do what he wanted to do. So it doesn't matter about age in regards to being a good person.
Speaker 1:Agreed. And there's also that topic of like maturity. I remember when I dated funk<laugh> right after, right after my divorce with Laney's dad and he was like 35, you know, 35 or 36. And I'm like, I am dating a man. He owns his own business. He owns a house. He has a dog I'm dating a grown man. And he was such a dork, like such a like child, you know? I mean, he would admit it like I was too, you know, but I was like relieved that like, I seriously had this vision in my head that he was going to be like so sophisticated. And so above me, because clearly he had like four years on me. But it, it meant a lot, you know, isn't that funny because we don't really change. No.
Speaker 2:And that's the thing with maturity. I mean, Brennan's way more mature than I ever will be.<laugh><laugh>
Speaker 1:Maybe that's why it works. Yeah. Because you said you've called him an old soul. Yeah. Like he's your per the balance of your personalities works because you are vibrant, you're vivacious, you're all of those things that he would want you to be as a woman in the, in the relationship, uh, young, at heart, spontaneous, funny, you know, bold, all of that. And then he's more like centered and grounded and like, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So I think that's, you know, that's why, again, I just don't like that age of the number type thing. Mm-hmm<affirmative> because I think it's just who you are as a person, but I do want to empower you<laugh> thank you. Like, like the Hulu. Yeah, yeah. You know, show would have done mm-hmm<affirmative> and, you know, I, I think you're at this age right now where you are kind of going through some self discovery for sure. And I really do think that you need to broaden that little range on I've never been on these apps. So I don't know mm-hmm<affirmative> but broaden that range, you know, mm-hmm<affirmative> um, and you'd be surprised on how many 30 year olds don't want children. Yeah.
Speaker 1:I think you're, I think you're right on the kids stuff. And I've been blown away by some older guys to your point that still are hoping to have children too. Um, so yeah, I see. That's what I was looking for a little bit of advice broaden the age range, you know, I'm on three apps right now.<laugh> and, um, and so if you listen to the podcast, you know, that I've done a fair amount of dating since my second divorce, especially the first year and with dating apps and going on dates, occasionally there's sex<laugh> and, and Tony and I talked about this, well, we've talked about it a little bit here and there, but we did again tonight before we started recording that it has been, uh, shocking to me. And I've talked about it in previous episodes, um, how bad it can be like, or like, not even what do I say? I mean, I've been out with a few men in their early forties that can't get it up. Can't keep it, keep it up.
Speaker 2:<laugh> you don't have to worry about that with the younger ones.
Speaker 1:<laugh>
Speaker 2:I'm telling you what girl, like literally after the first time Brendan and I engaged in adult behaviors, um, I was shocked, shocked, because again, you know, I dated within my range, right. Age range as well and,
Speaker 1:And were married.
Speaker 2:Yeah. I was married. And then when I did date a couple, you know, gentlemen, outside of marriage, you know, when I got divorced before I dated Britain, you know, again, I found it to be a little dissatisfying in regards to the length of time it stayed up<laugh> you know, but I will tell you what girl, there is nothing better than a young man getting up and still being hard as a breath<laugh> you know, and I I'm like, wait, wait, wait, what I, again, again, you know, and then the next morning again, you know, so, um, and then, oh, and also too, when they walk away, there is nothing worse than a saggy butt. You do not have to worry about that with young men.<laugh> I mean, tight, tight, tight, tight.
Speaker 1:I, I, I love that. And I I'm like, God, you're funny. That's awesome. Um, yeah. See, I should have lied better on that.<laugh> you should have
Speaker 2:Call me next time. I'll give you some like word I'll be your Roxanne. Yes. You
Speaker 1:Know? Yes. So, uh, I I'm like feeling bad over here, cuz this is what happens when you podcast, are you talking to the microphone, then you start thinking, oh God, what if he listens? And what if he were to like,
Speaker 2:Oh, Bri will be proud.<laugh> I know,
Speaker 1:I know he will be. But how about the couple of guys that I've gone out with? No, it hasn't been that like all around, but there have been moments where I've yeah. Been a little disappointed.
Speaker 2:Yeah. And that's the thing too. I mean, again, I'm not saying every young man's gonna have, you know, rock hard, but you know, be able to stay, stay hard all night.<laugh> put the percentages higher.
Speaker 1:Right. This comes back to my advice on a previous episode, if it doesn't work, take a pill. Yeah. Like they make pills for that.
Speaker 2:Well, and I, I did date the 52 year old who won light about his age mm-hmm<affirmative> and two, you know, I don't have any problem with foreplay, but when it's lasting hours, we have an issue. Yeah. And you know, he was embarrassed. And so I actually, as a pharmaceutical rep<laugh> and you know, got a little sample Uhhuh and gave it to him and you know, and then it was fine. Right. And then the next time we, you know, got in that situation again, he did not take it. And I said, where is it in the cabinet? I went up and got it and made him take it, you know? And you don't have, you don't have to worry about that with young men. I
Speaker 1:Know. Geez. So, so<laugh> see. Good advice. Thank you for that. I appreciate it. And I think it's just another like Testament too, for the fact that you and Brennan work, like not all women as we age, keep that, you know, maintain their libido or even want sex.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Well I'm dating a 36 year old, so I have to<laugh>
Speaker 1:Solid point<laugh>.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Cuz trust me there's times where I just wanna roll over and put on the big, heavy sweats and you know, I get poked in the back. So
Speaker 1:<laugh> well, and that's probably not unlike any other, you know, relationship either. So, uh, it's, it's funny. This stuff does not all, I you've convinced me of, of several things, um, during this discussion and um, I don't think it's all about age now with this physical stuff. It's pretty strong element. I think<laugh>
Speaker 2:Yeah. I mean, that's just across the board. I mean, you know, but the one thing I will say to your listeners Uhhuh is, um, you know, like your podcast says and every podcast I've listened to, you've been consistently saying, just be open mm-hmm<affirmative>, you know, um, and I've found, uh, the love of my life in a sense, uh, we've been together 11 years, we have a beautiful son. We've adopted two additional children outta foster care. Um, and we have a great life, you know, we travel, you know, we, you know, play, we work hard. Mm-hmm<affirmative> uh, we, we just do it, you know, and most people just don't even look at the age, you know, especially nowadays, you know, we mm-hmm<affirmative> like I said, most people think he's older than I, um, his parents don't even flinch. You know, when somebody says something about, oh wait, you know, your son dates, you know? Right. And they don't even flinch because it doesn't really matter. Right. At the end of the day, you know who cares? Mm-hmm<affirmative>
Speaker 1:I know. So why do I care?<laugh> I
Speaker 2:Don't know why you care. That's why you have me here.<laugh> and I obviously needed to be on that call with the producer.
Speaker 1:I, if there was someone I should have called for a pep talk for that show, I mean, I totally missed the boat.
Speaker 2:Well, and I wanna say talking about reality TV, have you seen 90 day fiance?
Speaker 1:I have not.
Speaker 2:O M G. Now this is not what I am. I am not getting on the internet, going across the country, looking for these young impressionable men from third world countries to bring them over. Oh, is that? Oh yeah. It's bad. It's bad. I was actually watching it last night and this 48 year old was bringing this man who was 21. Oh geez. Um, I think he was from like Cambodia or somewhere. And um, she was going to marry him in 90 days. That is not what I have.
Speaker 1:No, that is definitely not what we're talking about here. Well, see, we just came full circle cuz I think in the first couple minutes of the episode, you're like, we are not pedophiles. We're not talking about little boys.<laugh> yeah. Just younger men. Yes,
Speaker 2:Yes, yes. No really good talk. Really good talk.
Speaker 1:Yes. Thank you. So, so much for being on the show with me, you are so fun. And I know this is gonna be one of my most popular episodes because you can't listen to Tony talk without smiling. You're
Speaker 2:So funny or cringing.<laugh>
Speaker 1:No Uhuh.
Speaker 2:You either love me or you hate me, but if you hate me, you learn to love me.<laugh>
Speaker 1:Well said. Well said, and I can't wait to hear what Brennan thinks of
Speaker 2:This<laugh> oh God. Oh God. I still, oh my God. Okay. Yeah.
Speaker 1:That's amazing. Now I've made her nervous, but we're gonna go ahead and wrap it up here. So thanks for being here. No,
Speaker 2:Thanks for having me. It was fun.
Speaker 1:Wow. Was that fun or what?<laugh> thank you all for being brave and not too shy and entering into the Cougar den with my friend Tony. Oh my gosh. Huge. Thank you to Tony and to her boyfriend, Brennan for sharing so much and being such a fun and fun knee guest. Love you guys and totally appreciate you. And thank you to all of you listeners. Can't wait to hear the feedback from this one. I'm having fun over here and I'm just gonna keep this party going season two, episode six up next, my take on the crazy hot matrix.