In this episode, I explore all of the ways I could see my life play out as a single woman. I've done a lot of day dreaming and soul searching after divorce. One of the things I like to think about is what I could do if I grow old alone, but not lonely.
Ideas of how I could spend my golden years single:
Uncertainty doesn't have to equal fear or sadness or anxiety. What's the worst that can happen? Is the idea of not being married (again) really that bad?
In this episode, I explore all of the ways I could see my life play out as a single woman. I've done a lot of day dreaming and soul searching after divorce. One of the things I like to think about is what I could do if I grow old alone, but not lonely.
Ideas of how I could spend my golden years single:
Uncertainty doesn't have to equal fear or sadness or anxiety. What's the worst that can happen? Is the idea of not being married (again) really that bad?
Welcome to Man Shopping with Stacy, where I share my real, transparent dating and life experiences for your amusement and inspiration. You're listening to episode 58. What's the worst that could happen in this episode? I'm gonna flip the script. I am going to explore all of the ways that I could see my life playing out as a single woman after spending my whole life thinking that it would have a fairytale ending. I don't know about you, but for me, life after divorce has presented some interesting thought patterns inside my own head. I've done a lot of daydreaming. I've done a lot of soul searching. I've done a lot of thinking about what exactly I could do with this unexpected single life ahead of me. So on this podcast of mine called Man Shopping with Stacy, let's just assume, I mean, is it the worst? Let's just assume the worst, that I never partner up, that I never find my Mr. Wright, that I spend my older years alone, but not lonely. Let's talk about that. Let's talk about what's the worst that could happen. I mean, is it really that scary to think about living alone for the rest of your life? I mean, let's be real. For most of us, we would at least have some relationships, right? Between now and death. Like we probably wouldn't be celibate. We would probably still be dating, maybe even have another lover or two. I mean, maybe even just take on a lover or two. So European, so not Midwestern<laugh>, but it could happen. It could happen. Aside from the relationship side of this, just focusing on ourselves, I think it's important for all of us to consider that we may not find our match. We might spend a significant number of years or time by ourselves. And instead of fearing that or dreading that, let's daydream about it. Let's make the most of it. I mean, one of the first things that comes to mind is seriously living out a golden girl kind of life. I think I've talked about this before on the podcast. I know I've talked about this with my friends. I mean, the older we get, I'm at that age now where a lot of my friends have children, children graduating high school. I hate to tell
Speaker 2:You
Speaker 1:This, people, but that's when a lot of people get divorced for some God
Speaker 2:Awful, stupid
Speaker 1:Reason. People think that it's
Speaker 2:Wise to stay
Speaker 1:Together.<laugh> for
Speaker 2:The kids,
Speaker 1:Never a good idea, in my opinion, but it happens a lot. So a
Speaker 2:Lot of people get
Speaker 1:Divorced in their forties and fifties, right? So what does that mean? I mean, that just means that when we look forward to retirement in an expensive golf course community, we could, you know, pair up or group
Speaker 2:Up with our
Speaker 1:Besties and live, live our best
Speaker 2:Lives.
Speaker 1:I mean, that doesn't sound so horrible. I don't know. I
Speaker 2:Really
Speaker 1:Like living by myself, just me and my dog.
Speaker 2:I really
Speaker 1:Do. But maybe as
Speaker 2:I get older, I'd rather share a
Speaker 1:Space. I don't know, especially if it meant I could live someplace posh someplace really fantastic. Um, by combining, you know, my, uh, my, my wealth with
Speaker 2:Others<laugh>
Speaker 1:So that, so that we could, you know, live, live near the ocean, um, or live in a, in a really nice retirement community together. I mean, I don't know about you
Speaker 2:All, but
Speaker 1:I have friends who have parents and grandparents that live in these types of places, and they don't
Speaker 2:Look
Speaker 1:So bad. I mean, there's lots of like, you know, poker playing, gambling. People are taking up hobbies, learning how to oil paint. They're staying fit. They're staying active. There's a lot of mingling. Talk about dating. I mean, we've all heard the stories from those types of retirement communities. I mean, it might be like living college all over again, only, you know, maybe with a bu knee or a bad hip or something. Anyway, it could be fun.
Speaker 2:It could be
Speaker 1:Fun, right? I mean, maybe
Speaker 2:The, the group life
Speaker 1:Situation, you know, dormitory type living in your, in your, um, in your later years doesn't sound so great.
Speaker 2:I've
Speaker 1:Got another concept that came to me in conversation with one of my girlfriends. She was telling me about how she and her husband think that they'll sell their home here in, uh, in the Midwest one day and will likely
Speaker 2:Seek out a beautiful spot to
Speaker 1:Retire on, on a coast. They'll build their dream house, they'll
Speaker 2:Grow old
Speaker 1:Together, they'll host family functions, and they just,
Speaker 2:They're happy at their happy places by the water,
Speaker 1:Right? And so, as she's telling me that,
Speaker 2:I was like, Oh,
Speaker 1:Hey, you know what I mean? What
Speaker 2:If I just built like a little carriage house? Like could you
Speaker 1:Put, you know, space
Speaker 2:Out, like,
Speaker 1:You know, in a mother-in-law
Speaker 2:Type
Speaker 1:Suite only? I'm just your single friend. And I mean, men can come and go. We can join you in the big house for dinner occasionally, but, you know, I just kind of, instead of being like a teenager above
Speaker 2:The
Speaker 1:Garage, like maybe I could
Speaker 2:Have the pool house.
Speaker 1:I, I don't need a lot, lot. I just need like, some space for my dog and, and something, you know, that I could decorate and enjoy, um, adjacent, adjacent to your dream house, um, by the sea. I mean, why not? I think that sounds lovely. My friend was like, Yeah, I'm sure my husband would go for that. Why not? I mean, it would cut down on cost, you know, they'd have not a renter cuz I'd wanna be able to like, not rent, but you know, they, I could, I could cook for'em, whatever and make myself useful. I could like, take care of some flowers outside garden, maybe definitely cook and bake though. I could be like their, uh, personal chef. I wouldn't mind. I mean, it's a win, win, win win. See, we're looking at the bright side here. Could you see yourself doing something like that? I don't know. I probably could. I could probably do that. It's not like you're mooching, like you pay for your own space, you pay your own bills. Just happens to be near one of your good friends. Yeah, Nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong with that at all. As I think about this singularly without the impact or inclusion of my friends, how many times have you all gone on a vacation and been like, I don't wanna leave. I belong here. Dude, it has happened to me more times than I can count in so many different landscapes that differ vastly. Oh my gosh, I went to my cousin's wedding in Montana a couple of years ago and thought to myself, yep, all I need is a little cabin in the woods close enough to drive into a town to get my provisions, you know, uh, not so off the grid that Amazon can't deliver to me, but golly, like how gorgeous, gorgeous of a state is Montana. Yeah, I could be a resident, you know, I've also been in Vail, Colorado and thought the same thing. Hmm. How much money does it take to buy a small condo in Vail, Colorado? Or maybe like, I don't know, like a tiny house, like within driving distance? I don't know. Uh, yeah, I've had those thoughts before too. I mean, I don't discriminate. I like the beach too. Yeah, of course I've been on beach vacations where I'm like, Yeah, this'll work. Uh, get me a hammock, get me a little shack on the beach. I will sling drinks or open up a a little restaurant and make do, Yeah, I could totally do that. And then you guys, you think about like the reality of that and could you do that as a single person later in life? Uh, yeah.<laugh>, how many times have you seen like, I don't know, I've seen it it a lot like on travel and leisure, right? On Instagram, say they'll post like the most affordable places to retire by the ocean or in the mountains or whatever. People do it all the time. People, people live outside of the United States in retirement because of the cost of living all the time. I mean, start now. And you could have it all planned out by the time<laugh> by the time you're ready to retire. It can be done. It can be done. A lot of us have been, you know, dumping money into 401ks for a while now. And I mean, it could be within reach. You could live in your favorite vacation destination. There's a girl that is an acquaintance of mine. I don't know her well enough to call her a friend, but I sure do like her a lot. And I follow her on Facebook and Instagram and she started off renting like little campers that she would pull behind her small suv. And then eventually she bought one of her very own. And she has been traveling as a single woman with her two little pups all over the place, visiting friends, uh, exploring, just going on like single adventures. Could you see yourself doing that? I mean, I think a lot of couples not, maybe not a lot. Okay, But there are people out there, right, that retire as couples that do that. It's pretty normal. Like they sell their home, they get just a huge house on wheels and that's their new life. They just go, uh, the pandemic has kind of made this way of life very popular, lot of, lot of young people doing this. Uh, a lot of van life going on. A lot of, uh, yeah, Houses on Wheels is a lot of us are able to work remotely. And especially as you think forward to your retirement, could you extend your career through remote working from anywhere with your little house on wheels or with little tiny house set up by the mountains? A lot of us could. Or maybe that's the time to follow your passions and your talents and your dreams and live, you know, relatively inexpensively. Especially if you have equity in a home that you sell or rent out your, your main home for a year and just roll the dice and see how it goes. I don't know. There's something pretty appealing to me about risk taking later in life. Like I've got a lot of big ideas of things I could do, uh, when the pressure of providing for my daughter is, you know, lessened, uh, like let's say in about five years, hopefully when she's outta school. So on that train of thought, one of the things that I tell people I could see myself doing, and I'm sure that I'm not alone in this, is potentially, sorry, Laney following my daughter, I could, uh, she wants to go to school in the south. She's undecided right now, but she's looking at the University of Florida in Gainesville. She's looking at, um, Auburn in Alabama. She's looking at Ole Miss who knows where she'll end up right now. She works for my friend Brooke at the cutest boutique ever called Twill in Parkville, Missouri. She's learned a lot, a lot. Look, um, working for Brooke at the boutique, and you better believe I've been soaking it up in is a patron too. And one of the i little ideas in the back of my head is, gosh, I mean, I could round out my career in pharmaceutical sales in another five or six years, hopefully bank some money and some retirement and take a gamble and open a little boutique in a college town where lane's at school, if she wants to stay, she's gonna be a business major. Maybe that's a career path for her, is to be a retail shop owner. You know, if I opened a boutique, it wouldn't just be a boutique, hell no, it would have to have food. That's my own little daydream spin I put on things, having like a little, a little grab and go, um, you know, salad, charcuterie, protein box kind of situation. Maybe some bubbly on tap, maybe a coffee bar, dessert bar, all sorts of fun ideas of things that I could do maybe with Laney one day. And that could serve me, you know, until I decided to really slow down in retirement. Maybe I could just carry that out as a second career. You know, as I grow older, uh, spending time with my daughter, working together, building a brand new business together. You never know it could happen. Speaking of Laney going to college, this is, this is a funny one, Wait for it. So<laugh>, I took, took Laney to visit Mizzou where I attended school for my first year, my freshman year of college. And so of course I had to show her my sorority house. I was a tried out there and as we were like, like walking along the sorority and fraternity houses, I was like, Ah, there you go. That's what I could do, Laney. Uh, I could be a house mom. I mean, I love, love being around young people, teenagers, college kids. Are you kidding me? I love to nurture and take care of kids. I love to feed kids. I would be like a great house mom. What a great fit. I live in a big, beautiful old house that I love, have my own space and still be motherly,<laugh>. I mean, I mean, it's almost too good to be true. Um, probs not, but isn't it kind of funny to think about,
Speaker 2:Okay,
Speaker 1:That's probably the most off
Speaker 2:The wall idea
Speaker 1:That I've presented, but I mean, we've
Speaker 2:Gotta
Speaker 1:Explore these things. You just never know where life might take you, right? I might get desperate at some point and need a
Speaker 2:Free,
Speaker 1:Free room and board. You never know. You never know.
Speaker 2:So I guess if I have to be
Speaker 1:Practical, because sometimes we must, if I'm being practical,
Speaker 2:I could also
Speaker 1:See myself staying right where I am right now. I just went to a little
Speaker 2:Local,
Speaker 1:Uh, wine shop called Wines by Jennifer in downtown Parkville, and I sat with my good friend Jenny, and she's like,
Speaker 2:So do you still
Speaker 1:Think you'll probably just move when lady graduates?
Speaker 2:Will you just go
Speaker 1:Like, live somewhere fantastic and like
Speaker 2:Start all
Speaker 1:Over again? Because
Speaker 2:That's what I used to talk about
Speaker 1:All the time. And I said
Speaker 2:To her,
Speaker 1:Uh, no, I
Speaker 2:Don't think
Speaker 1:So. I don't think so. I'm good. Like, um, I live in like the most
Speaker 2:Affordable,
Speaker 1:Like new little townhouse ever. Um, it's
Speaker 2:Cheap. It's easy. I
Speaker 1:Like it. I have no complaints. I never worry
Speaker 2:About,
Speaker 1:You know, home repairs or anything like that. It's comfortable.
Speaker 2:It's quiet
Speaker 1:More than that. I have all my friends around me. There's nothing like being single
Speaker 2:To, uh, expose exactly
Speaker 1:How much we actually need
Speaker 2:Other people.
Speaker 1:Thankfully, I haven't been in the position many times to where I've really had to lean on my close friends for help, but you
Speaker 2:Better
Speaker 1:Believe it's happened a time or two. I mean, there was a time before
Speaker 2:I got red
Speaker 1:Side assistance on my car that I had to ask my, my good friend and her husband to come.<laugh> come help because my battery died and I was stuck. Um, there have been things, there have been things that I've needed help, but, you know, once I lose Laney to college, I won't have
Speaker 2:That ride to,
Speaker 1:Uh, you know, if I had some medical procedure or something or car
Speaker 2:Trouble
Speaker 1:Or, you know, some emergency, uh, with the family or at my house or something. And I have a tremendous network of friends right here in Parkville. So many families that I've met through my old neighborhood
Speaker 2:Where we used
Speaker 1:To live through Laney, um, because of her friends, I've, I've made friends with her friends', parents, you know, uh, through
Speaker 2:Church. I've got just a great, great,
Speaker 1:Uh, group of friends right here. And not only would I wanna stay nearby because I might need them, but you know what I do? I need them. I need them for socialization, for love, and for friendship and for fellowship,
Speaker 2:Absolutely,
Speaker 1:100%. I'm even hesitant to say I would move into the city in Kansas City now, whereas I thought for sure I would move outta Parkville right away, right away. As soon as like Laney graduates one, the obviously the economy sucks right now, and I have a fantastic interest rate<laugh> and, and again, I'm living very affordably. Um, but, but you know, I could, I could move into the city and sure, I ab I definitely have friends in within Kansas City proper too, so I wouldn't take that off the table. But when my friend asked me, you know, it was a really good learning experience for me because my daydream used to be getting the hell out of here and doing whatever I want. And now what I really want is to maintain the happy little life that Laney and I have created right here in Parkville especially. I think it's especially important her first year maybe of college for her to have home to come back to, um, because our house does feel like home now that we've been in it for a couple of years. And of course we are nearby to all of her friends after that, you know, it probably won't matter so much. She may stop coming home, you know, for summers and stuff at some point too. So, uh, interesting though for me, like as a learning experience, um, my own evolution from right after my separation and divorce to thinking, oh my gosh, I'm gonna get outta here and do something totally different to where I'm at right now. I also love my job and it's not as replaceable at all as previous jobs that I've had because I always thought I'll just pick up. I'll go get a new pharmaceutical sales job, or I'll transfer within another company transfer. Maybe, uh, it could happen with the company that I'm with right now, maybe not. So if I'm thinking, um, super, super logically and realistically and not daydreaming so much, a happy ending still for me would be to stay right here, stay at home, keep the job I love, keep doing my little passion projects on the side, keep podcasting, keep writing, keep doing fun things with all the people, uh, friends and family that I have nearby that I love so much, um, within driving distance to both my dad and stepmom and my mom and stepdad. And so, yeah, I mean, it makes a whole lot of sense just to stay right where I'm at and keep going. Uh, that also leads me to say I could focus more on my career, you know, with Laney going away to college. Uh, it's kind of endless opportunities over here. If I wanted to pursue a promotion or management within my company, I have all the time in the world to focus on that and to aspire to, uh, do more leadership type, you know, more of a leadership role if, um, if I wanted to, perhaps down the road. So I mean, you know, know, I don't consider that thinking small
Speaker 2:At all.
Speaker 1:That could be a wonderful,
Speaker 2:Fulfilling,
Speaker 1:Happy
Speaker 2:Life,
Speaker 1:Just staying the course. So if some of you are comfortable in your homes and in your careers, I mean, don't feel bad
Speaker 2:About it. Don't feel bad about it. You don't have to go
Speaker 1:Live in the middle of, you know, nowhere Montana off the
Speaker 2:Grid to, to really live.
Speaker 1:You can make
Speaker 2:A beautiful life right where you are
Speaker 1:At. And that may be what
Speaker 2:I do too. Who knows?
Speaker 1:And I talked about following Laney to school, to maybe start a business together, start a new endeavor, roll the dice and see if we can't make it, you know, as entrepreneurs, um,
Speaker 2:To,
Speaker 1:To women, mother, daughter duo taken on the world. But you know what, maybe what Laney will really need from me one day
Speaker 2:Is
Speaker 1:A supporting role in her life to maybe help
Speaker 2:With her babies.
Speaker 1:Um, if she takes on a job that includes, uh, you know, long hours
Speaker 2:Or a lot of travel
Speaker 1:Or, um, or if she and her husband just need a
Speaker 2:Little bit of extra care
Speaker 1:With their, with their babies one day or maybe none of that. And maybe I'll
Speaker 2:Just
Speaker 1:Choose to be near my daughter, um, because I can't imagine not, you know, at the end of the day, I've always told her wherever she wants to
Speaker 2:Go, I will
Speaker 1:100% support her. And while it
Speaker 2:Is truly, truly a bittersweet
Speaker 1:Time in our lives right now, during her senior year of high school as she is considering, um, how her future will unfold,
Speaker 2:It's, uh, it's really a,
Speaker 1:A weird time for me too,
Speaker 2:Because there's just
Speaker 1:A lot of an uncertainty right now.
Speaker 2:But as I said
Speaker 1:At the beginning of this podcast
Speaker 2:Episode,
Speaker 1:I don't think uncertainty
Speaker 2:Should equal
Speaker 1:Sadness
Speaker 2:Or fear
Speaker 1:Or anxiety necessarily. It's
Speaker 2:Okay to
Speaker 1:Feel that way from time to time. I
Speaker 2:Sure do
Speaker 1:<laugh>.
Speaker 2:But, but for the sake of this episode,
Speaker 1:What's
Speaker 2:The worst that
Speaker 1:Could happen? I mean, let's be real. Is not being married again
Speaker 2:Really that bad?
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh. I mean, maybe it's time that I do another brighter side of being single episode. It's one of my most popular
Speaker 2:Episodes.
Speaker 1:Um, and I could go on and on. The list never ends. Um, if any of you spend a lot of time with, with your married friends, you'll hear from them. Just listen. They'll point out to you some of the best things that we have going for us as single people.
Speaker 2:So that's the perspective
Speaker 1:That I wanted this episode to, to come from. What's the worst that could happen if you haven't already? I hope that this podcast has inspired you to really dig deep, to really think about what you want the rest of your life to look like. And instead of being fearful of, of, you know, dying old and alone, uh, maybe just like to flip the script a little bit, right? And think about how much fun you could have and how you really could live out your own dreams going forward, um, even if it is alone. Thank you guys so much for listening to episode 58. What's the worst that could happen? If you're looking for ways to support the show, pretty please share it with a friend or relative and give me a follow on Instagram, Stacy underscore weer. It's a way that I try to stay close with my listeners and grow a little community of positivity over here. Um, and up next you guys, episode 59. I'm not sure I want to get Laney back on the podcast. Um, she's got a couple of really amusing things to share, I think. So I'm hopeful to have my daughter Laney back on, and if not, you know, I'm gonna come up with something. So sit tight and I'll be back in a couple weeks.