Man Shopping with Stacie
Man Shopping with Stacie
Ep41~ Let All That You Do Be Done In Love
Let all that you do be done in love. 1 Corinthians 16:14
This is a special Valentine's Day Episode. I'm sharing with you several different ways you can spend this holiday that is NOT just for lovers.
If you're alone, with little kids or older children, or open to sharing Valentine's Day with a group, I'm sharing ideas of how you can look forward to, anticipate, and have fun with this most romantic holiday of the year.
- If you like the idea of spending Valentine's Day with others, I have a couple of ideas for you. Inspired by Charlotte from Sex And The City, many years ago I hosted a party similar to her "Trash or Treasure" party. I invited a diverse group of singles from 25-55 years old of all races, occupations, statuses of never married/divorced, parents/non-parents to mix and mingle with other singles. I called it an Anti-Valentines Day party. The anti part was that absolutely no one married or in a relationship was invited.
The party gave me an opportunity to anticipate, prep, decorate, cook, and bake. I allowed everyone to invite friends. It was so fun watching the Facebook Event invites roll in. It was exciting to connect with new singles.
At the party, my house was packed with a bunch of amazing people, food, a stocked bar, and an 80s Love Anthems CD playing. Looking back, it was my first attempt at helping other singles like me! I think you should gather up singles in your area and get together at someone's house or meet up at a restaurant or bar and celebrate too! You don't have to wait for a singles group to put an event together for you. Plan one something sociable and fun amongst your friends!
2. Last year, Lanie and I hosted a Galentine's Day Party at our house just for her and her friends. I made a balloon arch and made cute heart shaped food. It was an opportunity for their girl gang to celebrate their friendship. It was adorable!
This year, I'm going to show my love for just a few of my friends too. Adults upstairs and teens downstairs. We'll keep it simple with some flowers, decorations, and food. I think Galentine's Day could be a night out dancing, a good old fashioned sleepover, or brunch. Think outside the box to make it happen! It takes effort and creativity sometimes to bring people together. It's important!
3. How about some Malentine's Day ideas?! Smoke cigars in a cigar lounge or out on your deck (Maybe just don't make it about Valentine's Day). Surround yourself with your friends! Play cards, watch sports, do your manly things... It's important for men to cultivate friendships too!
4. Ideas for Valentine's Day with KIDDOS: Bake & Craft - Make Valentine's Day boxes, make a box of brownies or bake for a coach or teacher, family, friends, or neighbors. (Let all that you do be done in love.) Have kids pitch in on a family Valentine's Dinner - heart shaped pizzas. I've also taken Lanie to some nice restaurants as my Valentine's Date. You don't have to wait for someone else to ask you out! Take yourself and your kids!
5. Spending Valentine's Day ALONE? Me too! Treat yourself to something special - a manicure, a message, a facial, relaxation. Show yourself some love! Buy yourself a gift. It's very gratifying. Maybe just give yourself a night off of no chores or productivity - get take out and binge Netflix. If you need to self indulge and have a pity party for one night... give yourself permission. Love yourself a little harder.
Let all that you do be done in love!
Welcome to man shopping with Stacy, where I share my brutally honest dating and life experiences for your amusement and inspiration. It's my mission to spread more joy and happiness to singles, just like me. I'm your host, Stacy weer and your listening to episode 41. Let all that you do be done in
Speaker 2:Love.
Speaker 1:This is a special Valentine's day episode. And in this episode, I am going to share with you several different ideas of ways that you can spend this Holiday. That is all about
Speaker 2:Love.
Speaker 1:Now, what I hope you take away from this episode is that Valentine's day doesn't have to just be for lovers for romantic love. We, as single people can still enjoy and celebrate this holiday as well. So if you are alone with little children, older children, or if you are up for spending your Valentine's day with others, with a group, I have ideas for all of these scenarios of how you can celebrate look forward to anticipate and enjoy and have fun on this most romantic holiday of the year. I'm going to lead with a couple of ideas for those of you who like the idea of spending Valentine's day with other. So back when I was single, after my first divorce, I was about 31 years old. And I remember being home on a snow day with my little one Laney. And I remember anticipating the weekend of Valentine's day and just kind of dreading it and thinking, oh my gosh, I have no prospects for a date. I am utterly alone. How could I have fun with this? And I was thinking back to a sex in the city episode, where Charlotte invited a group of friends over for a party. And I believe she called it something like trash or treasure. So her concept for her party in her apartment in New York city was to invite her friends and to ask her friends, to invite people they had gone on dates with or had dated, and it didn't work out. So essentially you get a mixed room of singles who maybe were a little bit connected in the fact that they had dated and broken up or they, you know, and just because it didn't work out with them, didn't mean that it wouldn't work out amongst friends. Right. So I kind of took a little spin on this, but maybe in a little bit of a nicer approach, I did not call my party a trash or treasure party by any stretch. I called it an anti Valentine's day party though. You guys, I don't think I was in the greatest place in my life. I had been through a breakup with Funko, um, months prior to that. And, um, I just was a little bit lost and I was looking to stir the pot, I think. So I created an invitation on Facebook for an anti Valentine's day party. And I asked all of my single friends age ranged from 25 years old to probably 55 years old. And I asked all of them to bring their single friends. So it wasn't necessarily people who had dated, you know, it was just like, bring everybody, all comers, all ages, all races, all occupations, all statuses of, you know, do divorced, um, never married children, no chair, children. I didn't care. I just wanted a fun group of people to get together, uh, to celebrate, I guess I anti Valentine's day, I thought it would be fun. I thought it was possible that some people might make romantic connections out of it, but it was like my first attempt to bring singles together to just recognize that none of us had anything going on. And why should we have to stay at home? You know, the weekend before Valentine's day. And really the only anti Valentine's day thing about it was that I explicitly Lood anyone in a relationship or married. And I had so many friends in that boat, you know, in my early thirties. So, um, so that was the big, you know, exclusion. Absolutely. No one who is dating anyone or taken or married, like they're, they're not invited. This is just for us single people. So what this anti Valentine's day party did for me, you guys, it gave me something fun to plan and to look forward to, it was fun to bring people together. It was exciting thinking that, you know, we were going to be around a group of people that we didn't know very well. There was a little bit of, you know, allure in that. I think I remember my single girlfriends, we all got dressed up. I mean, I remember wearing ridiculously high, like black Sue heels and a little one shoulder, um, satin dress and red lipstick. I still have a photo of myself from that night. And I decorated. I mean, I still, I still did all the things you would do for like a traditional Valentine's day gathering. Not that that's a typical, I don't think Valentine's day is a typical, um, holiday for adults to celebrate in this way. But man, it was fun. I mean, I bought the little conversation hearts and put them in the, you know, the hurricane glasses with my candles. And I even like printed off little conversation, heart conversation starters, if you will. And they had questions on them that were supposed to serve as like icebreakers between strangers and the questions were things like, what do you keep on your bedside table? You know, things like that kind of goofy. I remember you guys purchasing CDs of like eighties and nineties, like, like love anthems, you know, we're talking like Chicago and I don't know maybe, uh, Whitney Houston, like that type of music. Like, so even though like I'm a hopeless romantic, I can't help myself. Even though I was trying to do this edgy anti Valentine's day party, it really wasn't. I having like the red foil, um, Cupid, you know, cutouts to put on a, the wall or a door or something, just like paper decoration seriously. And I remember putting like a bow and arrow, like through Cupid, like instead of like, he was whole it, I like put it through his head or something. Yeah. So that was about as edgy as my party got. But again, it gave me, it gave me like a reason to connect with people. It was fun to see who was responding. It was, it was really cool that everyone latched onto it. So I had a lot of people responding to me day after, day on Facebook, I'm in, I'm in, I'm gonna invite so. And so, and so, and so I think I have a group of five coming, you know, whatever it was, I got a lot of responses. And so that was super fun. And so then I started doing what I do and I started planning food and drinks, and everyone was asking me what they could bring. So I knew that this was going to be like a lot of food stocked bar, tons of cool people, cuz let's be real. I have some awesome friends, a lot of the people who came to that party. Okay. I say a lot. I bet 50% of the people who came to that party are still in my life today. And that's kind of high because there were a lot of strangers roaming around my house because I am crazy. And I'm like, my house is your house, make yourself welcome. Like that's just me. I love doing this sort of thing. So I had so much fun with it. You guys. And so what ended up happening was exactly what I had hoped. My house was full of amazing people. It was so loud. I mean, I hadn't been to a party that packed since I was like in high school or college going to house parties. Okay. Let's be real. It was college in my, in my own house. Um, but yeah, so much fun. It was really epic. It really was. Now I have to admit, this was the night that my ex-husband and I like first saw each other's faces in person because I invited him. I had gotten onto match.com really early, like just maybe within two weeks of that party. And I kinda sabotaged my own night, I think because I invited him my ex um, off of match.com, but you guys also invited another guy that I had just met. I met three men on match.com. One of them had already bit the dust by the time the party rolled around another one was sick, like legit sick and had asked me for a date like a few days after the anti Valentine's day party. And then lo and behold, I, who would be my second husband showed up to the party. And not only did he show up, but he looked adorable. He looked so good. And he brought with him, I remember a bottle of chocolate vodka and whipped cream. And I thought that was kind of cool. He's he might be something special. And he kissed me that night for the first time. And I definitely caught hell from my close friends who were at the party because they're like, what are you doing? You are the one hosting this anti Valentine's day party, you know, saying that couples can't be here and look at you. You're already like, you know, linked up with this stranger who just showed up at your door, but you did that on purpose. Didn't you? And I was like, no, but I mean, I think I was kind of hoping that one of the men that I invited that night would end up being my boyfriend. And he was definitely part of a very short list. So that's a whole another story, but anti Valentine's day party, why not give it a try? It was so much fun you guys. And really, if you just do it in the good spirit of, Hey, let's just get all the single people that we know. And not that you have to have it at your house. Like I did, I did that because I enjoyed, I keep saying like it gave me something to focus on, to plan for, to anticipate, to look forward to, I got to use all my creative energy cooking and baking and decorating. It was fun. And it was like an exciting two or three weeks, you know, leading up to the party. It was a good time. But even if you're not into that, why invite your friends and their single friends and all meet out at a restaurant, out at a bar, out at an event and just mix amongst your friends. You don't have to wait for local singles groups, you know, within your city or whatever. And that's not everybody's thing. Like not everyone wants to go out into a room full of strangers who are all there hoping to, you know, meet someone. But if you do it amongst your friends, it really, I don't know. First of all, there's better odds. I think that you might actually like someone in the room. Um, but then if you, if you don't find a romantic interest, which may not even be the objective, right, the objective may just be, as it should be probably just to do something sociable and fun and just enjoy a night out that you get dressed up and you are, you know, hanging out with other like-minded people just for a good time. Even if it, you know, isn't in the cards to, to meet RO you know, a romantic, you know, person or to hook up or whatever, then you're out with your friends. Just having fun, just having something to do. Right. So take the initiative. Or if you're not that outgoing, extroverted, ask one of your friends to organize something. I bet, you know, someone similar to me who would love to plan a party.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 1:Totally different idea. Now, for those of you talking to you, women now, just you ladies, how about a Valentine's day party last year lane? And I hosted a Valentine's day party at our home, just for her and her girlfriends. I don't remember if it was her idea. My idea, one of her friend's ideas, I don't even know, but man, I went all in. I made a huge balloon arch. I made homemade pretzels like soft stood pretzels in the shape of hearts. I put little grilled shrimp in the shape of hearts. I, I think I made little cookie dough truffles in the shape of hearts. You see where I'm going with this? I like to do stuff like that. I like to show my love for others. I love my daughter. I love my daughter's friends. So I helped create a night just for them to, to celebrate their friendship in our home. And let me tell you, it was adorable. It was absolutely sweet, adorable, great memory for all of them. And Hey, guess what it was for me too. This year, we're going to have a Valentine's day party at our home, keeping it small for multiple reasons, but she'll have her girlfriends over. They'll hang out downstairs. I am going to invite a handful, just a few of my girlfriends to celebrate Valentine's with me. I just thought about it this year. And I'm like, it doesn't just have to be for the teenagers. I would love to show some love for just a handful of the women who, you know, mean so much to me to celebrate our friendship. So my vision for our night together is pretty simple. Snacks, drinks, and conversation. That's it. It's that simple. It's that easy. I think Valentine's day could be whatever you wanted to make of it. It could be a night out dancing with your girlfriends. It could be a good old fashioned sleepover where everyone brings, you know, pajamas and their wears their glasses and hair back in a ponytail and you just watch movies. It could be whatever you're into. It could be brunch. You know, if you have friends who have, um, spouses and young children and it's hard to get together, that's when you start thinking outside the box, I don't take no for an answer, man. You just work around that, make it happen. And I mean that it takes effort. It takes, um, creativity sometimes to bring people together. But I think it's important and I think there's no better time than Valentine's day to show everyone in your life, what they mean to you and how much you love them. Again, let all that you do be done in love. I recently recorded an interview with Brian Crombie from a Canadian radio station, saga nine 60 am. And he also releases a YouTube video and a podcast. And we talked a lot about Valentine's day and I shared a lot of the same material on his podcast that I'm talking about here on mine now. And whenever I talked about Valentine's day, he kind of pushed back and he's like, well, what about the guys? You know, what are men supposed to do? I'm like, oh. I don't know. You know? So I'm like, I don't know. What are you into you like to smoke cigars, go hang out at a cigar lounge, have somebody over and you know, hang out on your deck. And he's like, Stacy. I mean, in all honesty, how weird would it be for me to be like, Hey guys, you wanna get together Valentine's day weekend and you know, smoke cigars together or drink a bourbon or hang out and watch a game. And I'm like, well, you don't make it about Valentine's day. Like, don't say it. It's not about, you know, maybe outwardly about Valentine's day. But if you are a sentimental guy and don't wanna be alone, why wouldn't you do the same thing that I'm suggesting that women do and surround yourself with your friends? I don't know what it is that you do. I mean around here guys, like play cards. I mean, you play poker or something. You go hunting, you watch sport together. You, uh, I don't know, do your manly things, man. Figure it out. But I think the same goes for men. It's important for men to cultivate good friendships and relationships and why not take an opportunity to show your male friends that you appreciate them and you wanna spend time with them. So there you go. There's my, my UN sexist view on how guys could spend, uh, Mailin Times's day. Is that, does that count? I don't know. Is there such a thing? I think I just came up with it myself. Valentine's day Mailin Times's day. Yeah. So if you're not in spending the holidays planning parties getting together in large groups, Hey, I totally get it. Maybe you've got your kids. Okay. So let's talk about this. How can you celebrate and enjoy Valentine's day if you have young children at home? So I have a few ideas, things that I've done in the past with my daughter and stepdaughters. I mean, it's a very fun holiday to bake and craft for. If you're into that sort of thing, kids typically still need to make Valentine's day boxes for their school parties. It still seems to be a thing. And let me tell you, I have definitely witnessed some dads who have done some very, very, very creative Valentine's day boxes with their kids. I mean, it's, you know, scissors and glue and a good time around your kitchen table. I think that's a fun project to do to get really creative and put some time into that. If you've got it, you know, with your kids, obviously baking is something I enjoy. I think a lot of people like it doesn't have to be all, you know, difficult extravagant stuff. I mean, Pillsbury makes things of cookie dough, you know, with little hearts embedded in them box of brownies. Pretty sure any of you can pull that off, but I think what might take it up to the next level and make it extra sweet would be to ask your kids, Hey, if we bake today, who would you like to deliver some Valentine's treats to, if you have, um, a special coach in your life or maybe a friend's family or grandma and grandpa, or a special cousin or aunt or uncle, or you get it like someone else in your life that you love, maybe it's just a neighbor that lives close by. That takes a special interest, you know, in your kids. I think it's a great time to show and spread the love with everyone. So that's my take on Valentine's day with kids. I just think it's that easy. I think it's really fun to make things together, share them with others or share them within, you know, your own little family as an opportunity to make something for brother, for sister, for mom, for dad, whatever. I think it's a nice little lesson to, to share with children. And aside from that, I've also just had the kids pitch in on a special Valentine's day dinner as a family, I've done little heart shaped pizzas in the past, which doesn't have to be hard either. I mean, it's as easy as cutting, you know, store bought pizza dough into hearts and slapping on some marinara sauce and, you know, mozzarella and pepperoni. I mean, you can go nuts, you can cut your pepperonis and hearts too. You know, there are also pizza chains who sell heart shape pizzas. There's that it again, keep it as easier as, as extravagant as, as you like, but I think it's fun to do special things, just like you do at other holidays for Valentine's day and involve your kids. And maybe just like you would at Thanksgiving to share things that you're grateful for. Maybe it's a good opportunity to share what you love about one another. I think I've done that before, too, where we cut out hearts and put them on each other's bedroom doors, things that we love about other men of the family, kinda a sweet little thing to do with your kiddos. You know, as I think back on Valentine's days, you know, as a single person in my past, I used it as an opportunity two times that I can remember Valentine's day at nice restaurants with my little girl as my date. I really don't love Facebook, but I do love Facebook memories. And there's one that pops up every year of lane. And I at a restaurant in Brookside where we used to live nearby at a little restaurant called avenues bistro. And then it was some place that I had gone to on dates, but I had never taken Laney because it was, you know, kind of a fancy restaurant, but one Valentine's day I thought to myself, well, that's where I would wanna go if I was going on a date with someone. So why don't I just take myself out right. Took my little girl and let her experienced some food that was a little outside of her norm, um, experience a nicer type of restaurant rather than just the Waldo pizza joint that we frequented weekly and made a very lovely little dinner date out of it. It's a great memory. I did that again. I think it was probably the very next year, took her to a different restaurant, just the two of us. So, you know, not everyone feels comfortable or enjoys going out to nice restaurants, you know, to treat themselves. If that's not, you know, something that you enjoy, why not take a, a, you know, the teach them manners and let them order something interesting off of the menu and have that experience together. And if you have an older child, I think it's a, no-brainer, it's a great opportunity. Kind of like sitting in the car where you get time one on one with no distractions. So there's some I ideas of some things to do with your kids. Okay. Lastly, let's talk about spending this holiday alone, alone, alone, no partner, no date, no friends, no kids, totally alone. Hey, guess what? That's gonna be me this year on Valentine's day, my daughter already has a dinner reservation with her boyfriend. I will be alone alone. So maybe I will heed my own advice. This is it. Treat yourself to something special, make a self care day out of it. Ladies, maybe it would be a great opportunity to treat yourself to a manicure or a pedicure. Maybe men or women would enjoy these types of things. Right? How about getting a massage, a facial, treating yourself to a day of relaxation or just 30 minutes, whatever it is just to show yourself some love. Again, I try to keep reminding you this episode is let all that you do be done in love and Hey, guess sweat. That means showing yourself some love too. So why not take Valentine's day, weekend or a Valentine's day, Monday night in the case this year and treat yourself, go out to a nice dinner, buy yourself something special that you've had your eye on you guys. You don't have to wait for some significant other to lavish you with gifts or to make your, your dreams come true with a piece of jewelry or a fun new tech item or something. I think it's pretty healthy to get in the hat habit of doing that stuff for yourself. It feels pretty gratifying. I know because I do that. So I don't know if you're a guy, maybe it's going to a cigar lounge. Maybe it's buying a fancy bottle of scotch that you've wanted to try. Maybe it's not extravagant at all. Maybe it's just giving yourself a night off of not doing any chores around the house, not being, you know, the, all the time, 100% responsible, productive, you know, adult, maybe it's a night of where you just get, take out, kick your feet up, you know, binge Netflix and don't feel bad about it. Maybe it's the quintessential, you know, Ben and Jerry's on the couch after Chinese takeout. And before you Polish off a bottle of wine, if you need to self indulge and throw yourself a little pity party a night, give yourself permission to do that. Hey, guess what? It's okay. Not all of this stuff is easy. I recognize it. I recognize that even though I'm over here saying I'm gonna have a Valentine's day party, you know, over the weekend of Valentine's day, I will be alone on, you know, the 14th. It doesn't bother me. It doesn't bother me because I'm alone. A lot of the time you guys, I mean, that is just another Monday night to me. But as I say that, I know that there are those of mental sweet souls of some of you, you know, that are crushed and feel let down and your hearts are broken and you're, you know, it's new to you or you're feeling the pain. And I recognize it. And my message to you is love yourself a little harder, you know, grant yourself, some grace, give yourself some indulgent treats, do what you need to do to get through it. It's just one day Valentine's day. Isn't just for lovers. I really do think it's a great opportunity once again, to let all that you do be done in love. So very, very sweet of you to listen through to the end of this podcast episode. I appreciate you more than, you know, and if you are enjoying the podcast, it would really mean a lot to me. If you could share the podcast with a new friend this week, maybe some one, you know, who has been single for a long time and could use a little laugh or pick me up or someone who has just gone through a breakup or divorce or separation who could use a little bit of optimism in their life. It's how podcast grow. And I really appreciate you helping me to this message with others and coming up next in episode 42, switching it up a little, having a fun, upbeat conversation with a male friend of mine, Eric Reed, we are going to tackle the subject the long time controversial quest can men and women just be friends.