EP56 - Green Flags

This episode is about all things happy and healthy that we should be looking for out in the dating world.
The format for this episode is progressive... Green flags to spot when someone is into us when we first meet, when we're planning a first date, and while dating or in a relationship. I share personal stories along the way, per usual.

Some Green Flags when we first meet someone

• Displaying genuine interest in you
• Natural, fun banter
• Positive gut feelings/excitement to hear from them
• Responsiveness/Consistency in communication
• Direct communication regarding feelings/excitement to meet

Some Green Flags when planning a 1st date

• Decisiveness/A man with a plan
• The date is planned efficiently and joyfully
• Extra points if the date is planned based on the individual preferences and interests of your date.

Some Green Flags on a 1st date

• Compliments on appearance
• Ease of conversation
• Lingering for dessert or another round
• Ending the date with a hug, kiss, maybe more?!
• Politeness- thanking your date for the coffee, dinner, their time, etc. 
• Send a message within minutes/hours if you are confident want to go out again

Some Dating Green Flags

• They remain interested and communicate consistently
• They are sweet, kind, and considerate
• They are honest, open, and transparent
• It should feel exciting and fun or at least positive and good

Some Relationship Green Flags

• Respecting healthy boundaries - our time, our bodies, etc
• Physical/Sexual Compatibility  
• Having long-standing healthy relationships/friendships
• Being in a good place in life/they're happy before we meet
• They take care of themselves (physically and emotionally)
• Vulnerability
• They have hobbies
• Empathy

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome to Man Shopping with Stacy, where I share my real transparent dating and life experiences for your amusement and inspiration. You're listening to episode 56, Green Flags. If you listen to the show, you'll know this is a follow up to episode 55 where I talked about red flags. So thankfully, this episode should be a little bit more upbeat and a lot more positive as I will be talking about all things happy and healthy that we should be looking for out in the dating world. This episode will be set up in somewhat of like a progressive format. So I think I'm gonna start just by talking about little green flags that someone's into us. What are some cues? How do we know? How do we pick up on things when someone in our life or online, uh, likes us? Next, I will talk about some green flags to look for when we are planning a first date with someone that we've met online or been introduced to, and then of course, some first date green flags to, uh, be aware of that could help us figure out if this is someone that we should be interested in seeing another time. And then of course, there are lots of green flags to be found in healthy relationships. So I'll get to those. And of course, if you listen to the podcast at all, you know, I'm gonna share a bunch of personal stories along the way. I mean, I'm still single after three years of, of being on my own over here. Uh, but that's not because I haven't met some great men and had some really, really good little short-lived dating relationships along the way with plenty of green flags, uh, worth of experience to talk about on here. I mean, it's not all gloom and doom people. Okay? So green flags, when we first are introduced to someone, meet someone out or meet someone online, and I'm just gonna start referring to online, like in any aspect, let's be real. Most of us, it's just as common to get a date through Facebook or Instagram as it is Bumble or what have you. So we meet someone and we are texting usually. How do we know? How do we know that this is somebody that we want to meet? I mean, countless, right? Countless ways. So we're gonna focus on the good stuff today. It's kind of hard. My mind tends to go negative because it's so easy to point out all the things that we don't like or that like rub us the wrong way or, or, you know, scream, uh, don't go out with this dude, but yeah, in this one, Okay, let me get my mind wrapped around this too. We're just talking about the good stuff. Okay, so here are a few things that I've learned to watch for in texting communications. This first really obvious screen flag is essentially part of every single stage that I'm gonna talk about in this episode. And it's, do they have genuine interest in you? Are they asking questions of you, or are they just spewing information about themselves? So if they have a reason to text you and they want to get to know you, they should be asking and not just telling the whole time. I don't know about you guys, but some of my best relationships started off with that, like rapid fire back and forth question, answer kind of situation where it's like, Holy, I didn't know that you snow skied. What's your favorite place? Ugh, I haven't been there since I was a teenager last year. This is where I went. And it just goes back and forth and back and forth. And it makes it so much fun because you give a little bit of yourself and then you also are excited, hopefully to learn about the other person or joke at your differences, right? I mean, I could, I could tag along another green flag is the banter, the natural banter. If you are, you know, in initial texting conversations with someone, and there is natural chemistry and witty banter, I mean, isn't that the best? That's a solid green flag to watch for when the communication is natural and feels like a talking conversation. And it's enjoyable. If you've done much online dating, you definitely know the difference. So for me, when it's there, when that natural, uh, chemistry just in texting, is there, uh, so much fun. And it definitely leads to, uh, me giving out my phone number. If I'm on a dating app, I'll give my phone number out real quick or I'll be like, I just, we just need to see each other. If it's a FaceTime because we don't live in the same city, or if it's a one-on-one date, it just comes a lot quicker when the texting is good. So I think, I think looking for the little green flags of the ease of communication, the natural curiosity and genuine interest in one another are really, really important green flags to look for right away. Along the lines of this communicating early on with people, I think a green flag would be your own feelings. When you see that person's name pop up on your phone, pay attention to your gut. Are you excited? Are you like, ugh, exasperated worn out? Don't even feel like responding. Pay attention. It should be fun. You should hopefully be into the person you're messaging. If you're not, like, why, why are you taking time out of your life to text that person? I think, you know, the green flag of getting us and, um, excitement and, you know, all of that early on is real. And not that it has to be there and is a big piece of the puzzle, but boy, recognize it when it is because that's saying something. And you know, again, I think that this, this is rare, but I will say there have been a few guys that I've talked to over the past few years that I get awfully excited. Um, when I see their name pop up and I smile and that's like, Okay, this is good. This is, we are, we might be onto something, you know? And if you're feeling like that early on, it's probably because they're being kind, they're being complimentary, they're intriguing in some way and it makes you want to chat more. So those are excellent green flags to watch for. I think I could do an entire episode on the different ways that guys, I think they're like trying to stand out when they're, and I know women do this stuff too early on in, um, texting or dating relationships. Like, I, I went out on a couple of dates with this guy that would send me a song every morning, like from his Apple library, and he was an old soul and had great taste in music and he, first of all, he introduced me to some stuff I didn't know, and then he sent me some things that kind of made my heart skip a beat. I wasn't even like, like, I dunno, I mean, I guess I was a little smitten with him. I knew he wasn't my guy, but boy, he was fun for a little while and it was fun to like see the, see whatever song he was gonna send me. Um, you know, this is like common behavior. If you haven't stepped, you know, your, your little foot into the dating pool yet, like, you'll get it real quick. Everybody has their kind of signature stuff that they do in texting and sending a song was actually a little unique as I can only name one guy that did that. Um, more common would be like sending a selfie, right? Sending the all too common good morning, beautiful text, or, um, one of the things I also really like, which a, a guy that I dated recently, um, would do is send stuff from Instagram like dm me, like reels and stuff that he saw in Instagram that he knew I would like. And what was really cool about that is he paid really good attention. He knew what I was into, what would make me laugh. He knew my sense of humor. He knew my, you know, my interests with like dogs or cooking or just totally random funny that he knew would make me laugh. Um, that's a good time. That's a good time. So, I don't know, I guess if you're looking for a different way to stand out or grab somebody's attention, those are a couple of little ideas. Not that they're that original, but I mean, I don't know. That kind of stuff goes a long way with me. Um, cuz you don't wanna come off as bland or boring right out of the gates. I mean, trying to, you know, put a good foot forward and, and, uh, make a good impression. And I think that's a couple of cute little ways that you could show someone that you're interested. While we're still on this subject of early on texting type of relationships, this is a little controversial and I don't know, I'm not even sure how I feel about it myself, but, you know, you can gauge a decent amount of interest by how long it takes someone to respond to you, right? So in general, a green flag would be someone who gets back to you in a reasonable amount of time. If they, if they see your DM on Instagram and they at least like it or, or make a quick comment back, that's a good sign, right? If they're responding to your text messages as quickly as you are getting back to them, that's a good sign. So it doesn't, I'm not trying to say like, if, if someone leaves you hanging for a few hours or whatever, that that's a red flag because it definitely doesn't have to be. Um, but most of us can tell when someone's excited about us and we know because they're consistent, that's a green flag to watch for. They're consistent, right? They, they get back to us in a good amount of time and they have something clever or interesting to say or a good question to ask to follow, follow up with us. A green flag early on is being able to tell that the other person has interest in you. If you are confused most of the time, they're not that into you. So people who listen to my podcast are not interested in trying to create something outta nothing. It should be obvious people. The green flag is they tell you directly, I'm excited to meet you. I think you are great. I am looking forward to getting to know you better. Yeah, it should be that easy. If it's not, um, then I'm gonna say maybe it's a red flag. Okay. I think I've pretty well exhausted the texting and messaging, uh, stage of getting to know someone. Let's move on to planning the first date. I don't know about you all, but I really like decisive people.<laugh> not saying that I'm decisive a hundred percent of the time and I am a little old fashioned. So with those two caveats put out just very, very clearly, I like it when a man has a plan. I like a man with a plan. That's right. I like a guy who's like, When are you free this week? You know, What does your availability look like the next few days? I mean, just puts it out there so that I can say, as a busy working mom, you know, uh, looks like I'm free Thursday, happy hour or Saturday night, what's good for you? You get where I'm going with this. It's really a green flag. When someone plans a date. This can go in either direction. Male, female, female, male, I don't care. But one of the two of you has gotta figure out when, where we're meeting, right? And that's a green flag when someone can pin down a, uh, a time, a day and a place, uh, to get together for the first time. And they do so with joy. Are you listening? It's not a drag, it's not a exasperated, you know, desperate attempt to, to pin somebody down on the calendar. And it's also not like an agenda item that gets added to the end of someone's really busy list. It's, it's a fun, it's a fun, happy thing to get together for a first date. And if it's not, then don't go. So the green flag is the date gets planned efficiently.<laugh>, how's that? And joyfully, Yeah, I think those are very solid green flags. Let me tell you how you take this green flag and embellish it. Let's bedazzle the green flag with sequin and glitter. The first date Green flag can be extra special when you don't just joyfully and efficiently plan the first date, but you make it super special based on the individual preferences and interests of your date. How does one do that? Well, one listens to the likes, taste, preferences, enjoyments of the other person, and then plans a special date just for them. I'll share with you the story of the best executed bedazzled green flag date that I've been on maybe ever, but for sure in my recent, recent past. So this guy recognized yes, that I love food, that I like to share my food, that I like to try different things in different places. So he planned a dinner date at a local restaurant called the Corvino Supper Club. It is, uh, really, really cute little local spot with just superb food. Like the best small plate selection ever. Really nice wine. Just did it right. I mean, did it right for one. He actually, because he was excited and not scared to let me know. Uh, he bumped the date up from like a Sunday night to a Friday night. And there was a reason the date was supposed to take place on Sunday night, but I know the reason it got bumped to Friday night was because he was excited to meet me and I was mutually excited to meet him. We met at the restaurant green flag. We both complimented one another. I cannot tell you how important this is. If you like the way your date looks, you should tell them compliment something. It just sends a good signal to the person that you're with, that you're into them, that you like them. Even if you're not that into them or you're unsure, I'm gonna bet you can find something nice to say about their appearance when you first meet them. It helps so much just to get off on the right foot. I can't tell you how far it goes anyway, with this guy. I gotta tell you, there, there were sparks. So it was easy. We were both like, like very, very pleased, um, to be looking at each other a face to face for the first time. And neither of us tried to hide it. We were giddy, like, like, you know, teenagers. It was fun. We sat across from one another and easily came up with what to order to share. That's a green flag. No struggle. Wasn't awkward, it wasn't weird. It was fun. And what a fun time like to share food with somebody. I love going to restaurants where it's not like super formal to where, you know, like, this is your plate, this is my plate. Um, but small plates coming in rounds. Yeah, that is totally my style. And he knew it. He ordered well. He ordered a great bottle of wine. I mean, at the end of the date, another green flag. You know, I think it's a green flag when the waitress comes around. If you're on a coffee date or if you're on a, you know, happy hour date or a dinner date when you both linger and wanna stick around for like another round or, or go, you know, hop to another place after or whatever. Totally green flag. You ever wonder if someone's into you, if they ask you after dinner, like you wanna grab a drink or I, hey, there's another spot I'd love to take you to. I mean, take'em up on it. If you're into'em, that's a sign. That's a great green flag. So, um, on this date in particular, we ended with da da da da. My very favorite. If you, uh, if you listen to the, the podcast or read anything, I post online, you'll know I'm very into the bubbly. And, uh, so was this guy. So we ended with a glass of, uh, you know, whatever, champagne, sparkling wine. Totally enjoyed it. Um, that's a great freaking first date. Not every first date is gonna be a fancy dinner out. There's live music. Did I mention that? I mean, that was a pretty special first date with a couple people who knew that they were into one another before they went out. But I think that there's easy ways to throw green flags all over the place. Um, even at a coffee date or meeting in the park or whatever, and it's some of the stuff I've already mentioned, joyfully, meet up with someone, compliment them, ask them questions, be interested. Um, and if those things are happening to you, then give yourself a pat on the back. You're doing something right. Green flags are being thrown your way, easy way to, uh, show a green flag after a date. I mean, obviously, uh, there's a few different ways you could do this. I mean, then I could end with a kiss or I mean maybe more. Um, or there is the very polite thank you if you like someone. Now, I mean, honestly, I could have used a handbook for how to date as an adult whenever I was first divorced. And I was like, seriously searching podcasts and Instagram sites and stuff for advice on this kind of thing. So I hope this helps some newbie out there. But if you go on a date and you feel like it went pretty well, but you're a little unsure, but you'd sure like to see the person again, and it's all kind of questionable. I mean, my advice to throw a green flag their way would be send a very direct message when you get home. I don't even wait till the next day people, I am that transparent with my dates. Send a green flag and say, I had such a nice time tonight. It was so nice meeting you. Thank you. You know, thank you for a great night out. Whatever it is, thank them. And then go ahead, people go ahead and put it in the text message and say, I would love to see you again soon. And if you wanna be more forward, you could go ahead and ask for the second date. If you're free, you know, later this week, I'd love to see you again. Or, hey, I know of something going on Thursday night, I'd love to take you with me if you can, can make it whatever it is. That's a green flag. And hey, guess what? Wouldn't you rather just cut to the chase and, and know how the other person is feeling than like wait three days for them to text you? I think there's just a lot of missed opportunities by people not being bold and just putting it out there because, you know, we're all adults here. You can politely decline. I if you're on the receiving end of messages like this. And that happens to the best of us, me included, a hundred percent. Um, so a green flag, definitely, even if you don't wanna go out with them again, there are very, there's a ton of stuff online you can look up that's more eloquent than I am. But there's a lot of ways to say thank you, I had a lovely time. I think you're a great person. Um, without leading them on that, you want a second date as well. So super obvious dating green flags. They keep asking you out, they keep messaging you, they can't get enough of you. They are excited about you. They wanna know more. They are honest, open, transparent, sweet, kind, putting their best foot forward. This is what should happen. People when, when we are newly dating, it shouldn't be stressful. It shouldn't be hard. It shouldn't be ambiguous. It shouldn't leave us wondering how they feel about us. It should be bold, direct, exciting, sweet, fun, all of those things at the beginning. There's no reason it shouldn't be. If you find yourself questioning, doubting their intentions, if they like you, um, if if they're having a good time, if they wanna get to know you more, then it's not going well and you might as well just cut it off. Honestly, that's how I see it anyway. It should be easy first date or two. Come on. Those are the good times where we're all behaving ourselves, right?<laugh>, okay, I, I swear I'm gonna get into this relationship stuff. I mean, it's been a minute since I've been in a real relationship, but I'm, you know, there are resources for this. I've looked some stuff up. I, I, uh, I'm aware of what a healthy relationship would look like if I, if I ever were to find myself in one. And I'm gonna share all this goodness with you guys. Relationship green flags, Okay? If you're someone like me and has been through some, um, unhealthy relationships or marriage as in the past, then you know all about boundaries. Maybe you've read a book or two, or listen to some podcasts about how to set healthy boundaries. I mean, these are skills that hopefully we learn throughout our lives, but if you're like Stacy weer, you don't learn them until you know, your late thirties or early forties. Um, but being with someone who respects boundaries is something really important to me. That can look like a million different things. But if your, um, here's an example. I like to spend time with my daughter. It means a lot to me. So when she doesn't work in the evenings, that's when I try to be home, make dinner for her, you know, put in a solid, I don't know, 45 minutes, FaceTime, you know, together at the dinner table or on the couch in that, in the evening. And, um, I wanna be with a man who respects the time that I want to spend with my kid, right? And this plays out in a lot of different ways, but, um, our children as divorced people, our children should be our priority. They should come way before anyone that we're dating and that time should be respected. This isn't much different, um, than our time with our other family members or our friends or our work. Whoever we are with should respect our boundaries on how we choose to spend our time. They should not make us feel guilty, feel bad for how we spend our time. Um, they shouldn't, um, convince us, you know, to, to, uh, stretch those boundaries in any way. So there's just one little example of the person that we're with should respect our healthy boundaries. That could be about time, that could be about money, that could be about substances, like alcohol. If you're someone who is in recovery and doesn't drink, then the, the person that you're dating or in a relationship with should respect you and your choices and not push substances on you. Things like that. That's where I'm coming from. Respect our healthy boundaries. People, we work hard to set them. It takes practice, it takes discipline, it takes experience. Um, but it should be respected, especially early in dating. Come on, this, this should be a given. This should be a given. I mean, we could take this and spin it in a sexual way. Whoever we are with should respect our bodies and our timeframe on how we are choosing to give of ourselves intimately, right? If, if a kiss after the first date doesn't feel right, don't do it. And whoever you're with should get it. I mean, listen to some of my early podcasts, or I guess I've written about it in my book that you haven't read cuz it's not finished yet.<laugh> it's real easy to say, um, let me give you a hug and turn your head away from the other person and give them a little hug at the end of the date. There's ways to get around these things that are pretty clear, um, and still polite, right? Um, but a green flag is definitely being with someone who understands where you're at emotionally and physically and doesn't press. Uh, you should get on the same page. And, you know, sometimes it takes, takes a little while to be in that kind of nuanced, um, intimate dance with someone else. And if it's not, if you're not in exactly the same place, then a green flag would be someone who understands, who gets it. Probably don't even have to speak of it honestly. It, it should be just understood. And there should be patience given when needed, right? That's a green flag. I mean, I'd like to say a green flag is when you just can't keep your hands off of one another because I mean, that can be a green flag too. Maybe, maybe maybe certain percentage of the time that turns into a red flag.<laugh>, uh, cuz yeah, I've lived that as well. But, um, you know, green flags are least when you're compatible. We talk about that. That's a separate but good green flag. I've been asked in some interviews like, what makes sex good? What, what makes you wanna jump into bed with someone? I've really, I've been asked questions like that. Um, I always say it starts with a kiss. I mean, a green flag for me, for chemistry is all about, first of all, I need to look at a guy's face and not wanna look away. Like I'm a face person. I like pretty faces. And so if I'm looking at a guy and they're grabbing my attention and making me smile and I just lock in on him and it feels great, that's awesome. That's a green flag. A green flag is a perfectly natural, sweet little kiss for me. I think it gives a lot away of what it would be like to be together physically. And it, that first green flag sign of a good kiss really hasn't let me down much, Um, in my experience that that's a good green flag. Typically, that leads to, to, you know, physical intimacy too. Green flags that I look for Now because of experience, time and learning. The hard way would be to recognize that someone has longstanding friendships, good relationships with family members. Now, taking into consideration, right, that family's hard and, you know, I don't expect everyone to still be friends with their high school friends. I mean, I'm not, they broke up with me. That's another episode called friendship breakups if you're interested. Um, but you know, someone who relatively has some, some good friendships in their, their lives, people that they can count on. They're not loners. They get along with a sibling or to a parent or to a cousin or to their own children. Those are pretty good signs that you're with someone who's, um, reliable, trustworthy, uh, good person if they have some longstanding relationships and healthy, healthy ones at that, right? I used to tell my friends, and I think I talked about it in some early podcasts as well, that whenever I'm on dating apps, I really like it when I see a photo of a guy with another guy or a group of guys. Cause I wanna see that he has a bit of a social life, that he isn't just a full-time, you know, worker being dad. I, I'm a sociable person. I like to go out and be around different types of people. I think that we're on this planet to make connections and to grow and become better people. I think we need to be around a variety of different people, right? So, um, that's always a green flag for me. If I'm looking at a dating profile and there's a picture of a guy out with a bunch of dudes or at a wedding or with his parents or whatever. Um, so I guess there's a little online dating profile tip for you. Um, men and women, I always make sure to have the same, or I try to, um, whenever I'm online dating as well. Here's one for you. This is my favorite green flag. It's dating someone who was happy when I met them. Hear me out. I'm a fixer. I'm a helper. I'm a nurturer. I am an enabler at heart<laugh>. So it's really, really important to me to meet someone who is happy and in a relatively good place in life. Meaning they have a stable job. They have time and resources to spend their, you know, extracurricular time the way that they want. If that means that they belong to a gym and that's their thing, great. If they love to travel and they have time and energy to do that, awesome. Um, but I wanna meet someone who's in a pretty good spot in life because I've worked really hard to get to where I'm at. So it's hard for me to consider, um, developing a relationship with someone who maybe isn't divorced yet, or who is muddling their way through a divorce, who is, um, making a big job. You know, career transition. Um, maybe I've been on dates with men who are going through some tough emotional times with their children. You guys, that's, that's not when I want to meet someone, the timing's off a little, right? So a healthy boundary for me is to say, you know what? I if the cases that I really like them, I tell them, Hey, I really like you. I think our timing is off. You're going through some hard stuff right now. Um, focus on that. You do. You I'll do me, you never know. Maybe, maybe things will pan out later, right? That's fair. But the green flag I'm looking for is a guy who's at a similar spot in life that I'm at right now. Because quite frankly, you guys, I don't think we should be dating when we're, when we are at a low point or at a crossroads or a really challenging time in life, that's time to dig in and be responsible.<laugh>, that's called adulty. That means we need to take care of our kids. That means we need to take care of our, our jobs or our education or our finances or our other relationships. Um, that's not when I want to meet someone. So a green flag for me is meeting a guy who is in a good place, who is happy. How's that for a green flag? Here's a green flag. They take care of themselves. Mm-hmm.<affirmative>, this can come in a variety of different ways, maybe physically, right? They work out, they do their best to eat well. They protect themselves emotionally, maybe from an ex, maybe from, you know, external conflict. They see a therapist, they do yoga, they go on walks, they have a dog. Whatever that looks like. Uh, I don't know about you, but I wanna be some with someone who takes good care of themselves and looks out for themselves and isn't afraid to express a need or a desire or whatever for some me time. Because I gotta tell you, in my dating relationships, I absolutely still take me time if it's just to be alone for a night. If it's, um, to be present, to take care of my puppy, uh, whatever it may be. I definitely look out for Nuro uno still because I don't want to get lost in, you know, that captivating fun stage of new love or lus or whatever. A green flag that is super important to me is vulnerability. I mean, I am an open book. I am not afraid to share of my life experiences clearly, or, um, divulge most questions that are asked of me in a dating scenario. And I don't know about you, but if I'm willing to share of myself in that way, I sure hope that the person sitting across from me is two. And it's just very, very refreshing to be with someone who is comfortable enough in their own skin to, um, share of themselves in a similar way. It is just pretty special to share authenticity and be genuine and unabashed. And it just, it can be rare and hard to find because people are so buttoned up and professional and, uh, guarded a lot of the time. But man, when they're not, isn't that nice? We should all, I think stride to, um, to be more vulnerable with one another. This one should be fun and easy. I think a really simple green flag to look for is someone who has hobbies. Ugh. I mean, it's, first of all, it's really dull to go through life with like, work kids house and, and that's it. You know, Rinse, repeat, No thanks. That is boring as hell. This is the perfect time in our lives, I think, to explore our interests and our passions and our talents. So I think it's a beautiful green flag to find out what people are into. They should have some hobbies. They should, they should have some interests outside of the must dos every day. And if not, w w that's just boring. And maybe more than boring, it's just a sign that they perhaps should spend a little bit more time on their own and develop themselves in some way. They should find, they should have the time on their hands to put some thought into what would bring them a little bit of joy and happiness. If it's gardening, if it's running, if it's cooking, joining a choir, volunteering, whatever it is. Um, it's just a really, I think, important green flag to watch for that they have hobbies. It doesn't mean that you have to share the same hobbies by any stretch. I think it's sometimes more interesting to date people who are into different things than I am. I mean, don't get me wrong, I really do love it when I meet people who not<laugh> like to drink wine and go to nice restaurants and hike and be outdoors and maybe they like dogs and you know, I like to watch sports and go to concerts. I mean, that's quite a bit, right? But it's also pretty cool to meet somebody who's into something way different. Like, I went on a date with a guy one time, I think I went on two dates with him, but he is like an engineer and he had some of the most interesting hobbies and it was all like self taught. I mean like, he taught himself to code and some computer stuff that I don't know anything about. That's interesting. But he got really into drones and like, he created a side business of, um, doing those drone videos for like real estate companies. You know what I'm talking about, where it shows like the whole property, the exterior of the home, all of that. And I'm like, Holy, that's pretty cool. That is pretty cool. I don't know anything about that. Same goes for like, you know, smoking meats, barbecuing. My brother is totally into that form of cooking and is much of a, you know, cooking and baking enthusiast that I'm in. Like, those aren't my mediums. Like, that's not my forte. Um, but I do, I do love it when I talk to people who are passionate about food and maybe a different way than I am. It's pretty cool. Green flags everywhere. We all should have some hobbies and some interests, um, because that is, you know, it just makes us a more developed, desirable person to be around. And it's because it brings personal happiness. Okay, the last green flag that I'm gonna leave you with, and I know that there are a million others that we could talk about, but it would be empathy or at least sympathy. Who wants to date someone that you don't feel like would care for you if you were down physically or emotionally? I think it's a very big green flag to meet a person who is kind and is obviously caring for other people in their life. If it's a dotting father or a caregiver to you know, their mother or even just something as simple that you can pick up on, on a date of like a guy who, you know, takes care of his neighbor's dog when they're outta town. Or maybe just in conversation, you pick up on the fact that they're a little selfless, sweet, compassionate, kind, empathetic. I mean, I don't know about you guys, but I'm not getting any younger. I can't be taken a risk with some guy who only cares about himself, who can't take care of himself. I mean, there's gonna come a time where something's gonna break. You know, a hip, a wrist, an ankle. I don't know. I'm not gonna live forever. I wanna be with someone who's a kind nurturing nurse to me like I would be for him, right? I think that's a fair green flag to watch for someone who is thoughtful, opens doors, pulls out chairs. I mean, those are shovel risk acts, but they're also selfless acts. They're putting someone before yourself. I mean, as women, we can do similar things too, right? I mean, I've been known to, I don't know, bake cookies for men, cupcakes, make little deliveries and do sweet, kind little acts just to show them that I'm thinking of them. It all goes a long way, I think to show someone that we care, that we're there for them, that if they need us, we will show up. Showing up in life is a big green flag. Something that I talk about and work on all the time. I want to be the reliable kind person to my friends and family that they know they can count on me. And likewise, I have my eyes open, very, very watchfully. I'm trying to keep this heart of mine open too, for all these green flags in others. Kindness goes a long way and I'm watching for it. Hope that this episode made you think a little bit, made you maybe a little bit grateful for some of these flags, these nice green, healthy flags being thrown your way over the course of time. It's easy to get stuck in a rut where all we focus on are all of the red flags that we've seen in dating, cuz they tend to be more prevalent, honestly. But boy, the green flags, they're there. We just have to watch for'em and appreciate them when we see them and, you know, pass them on, um, in a forward motion. We need to be, um, growing and being the givers and not just the receivers of these green flags too. Thanks a bunch for listening. Hope you enjoyed episode 56 Green Flags. And you guys, what's up for episode 57 is, uh, anyone's best guess. If you have an idea, message me. I've got two weeks to, uh,<laugh> to figure it out. Put a little outline together and deliver it to you. Um, kidding. Kind of. Um, I always say that there, there are just endless topics to talk about on this podcast, and I still believe it to be true, but, uh, a girl could always use some extra inspiration. So truthfully, hit me up. Um, share the podcast with your friends and family, pretty please. That's how podcasts grow. Uh, send me a message, let me know what you'd like to hear me talk about. Or if you have a funny story or great idea, I'd love to hear it. Until next time, big thank you to all of you.