Ep38~I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends

They say we are the sum of who we surround ourselves with. In this episode, I examine who I have surrounded myself with throughout my life and how they impact me and I encourage you to do the same.  

It's pretty well accepted that teens' peer groups impact them even more than their families, so I begin by talking about childhood friends and experiences. I invite you to take a trip down memory lane with me to think back on your middle school/junior high and high school friends and cliques you were a part of.  How did those kids and shared experiences shape and impact you?

For the most part, we cannot choose our family members, but we can choose the amount of time we spend with them and how we communicate with them.  I share an example of a friend of mine who has a very verbally and emotionally abusive sister.  My friend has made the difficult decision to limit her contact in order to protect her own feelings and to guard against the anxiety, anger, and stressful situations her sister creates.

I also discuss my own work/career/industry friendships. I have been very fortunate to develop close friendships with a lot of people I've worked with throughout my career.  My industry friends have supported and encouraged each other's career development and have been there for each other personally too.  I have a big appreciation for people who want to see one another succeed and who add some humor and fun to my work life. Some of my male co-workers have shaped my belief that men and women can indeed JUST be friends.

I share many examples of my diversified friendships.   I have friends I've made in different cities I've lived in and different neighborhoods within Kansas City. I have neighbor friends, mom friends, and single parent friends.  I have friends who make me laugh, challenge me, and pray for me. I think it's important to surround ourselves with people who are different than us and think differently too. Take my friend's advice! She says we should diversify our friendships like we diversify our financial portfolio.  Be friends with people who are different than you! I couldn't agree more!

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

Welcome to man shopping with Stacy, where I share my real relatable dating and life experiences for your amusement and inspiration. I'm building a strong community of singles who are enjoying their lives as they are right now. I'm your host, Stacey weer, and your listening to 38. I get by with a little help from my friends. In this episode, I am going to explore this idea that we are the sum of who we surround ourselves with. I am a huge believer in this, and it's played out in a lot of different ways for me over the course of my life. So as I introduce you to some of my friends and their characteristics and what they add to my life and how they influence, motivate, and inspire me, I hope that you will put a lot of thought into who you are spending your time with. Think back with me, if you will, to junior high middle school and high school, do you remember exactly how much emphasis was put on the group that you hung out with? Were you one of the preppy kids? Were you an athlete or a jock? Were you a cheerleader? Were you in national honor society? Were you a skater? Were you into grunge and alternative music, your click, if you will defined who you were like it or not, where you fit in, in your place, in the school who you sat with at the lunch table, or didn't set a lot about out you, if you also think back to psychology classes you may have taken, or I took a marriage and family relations class, and it's also just pretty common knowledge that as a developing teen kid, youth, the influence of our peer groups is greater than that, of our and our parents. Why do you think so many of us parents worry so much about who our kids are hanging out with, who they're spending their time with because it's been proven time and time again, that it matters. If they hang out in the wrong crowd, then we worry to don't. We, we worry that they'll make bad choices that they'll drive erratically, get into risky behaviors, have sex, too young drink, too young experiment with drugs, you name it. We've got all of those worries for our kids. Wouldn't it be naive of us to think that it ends? Yeah, sure. We're all mature adults over here, but do you really think that your peer group, the people you spend your time with have no effect over you? I mean, let's be real. I know my friends have great effect over me. I want them to, like, I seek out people to be friends with based on the effects and impact they may have on my life, on my career, on my health, happiness, financial wellbeing, you name it. I wanna win friends and influence people for sure. But more importantly than that, I want to be influenced. And, and I want to learn things from the people around me. I wanna be around high achievers. People who push themselves, people who try every day to be a better person than they were the day before. I can think all the way back to some of my early friendships elementary, middle school, high school. I was friends with a fairly even number of boys and girls, different races, different socioeconomic backgrounds, but I can think my hometown for that, we were kind of a mixed group of people at every level of education that I went through. And I'm grateful for that kind of diversified little, um, town that I grew up in. Think back with me, if you will envision yourself in middle school and in high school, what kind of kid were you, how would you stereotype yourself? What click were you in me? I was a cheerleader. I was a cheerleader. I was always involved in student government, whether it was like holding a leadership role in my class or in student council and national honor society. I was that kid who was consci anxious about her grades. And while that kind of sums up who I was, I had friends in a lot of those groups. So I had friends who were athletes, soccer players, and basketball players for the teams that I was a cheerleader for. My boyfriend played on those two teams. And luckily he was an ever seemed threatened by any of the male relationships that I had back then. And there were a lot of'em. I shot the basketball around with Marion and Cardell. I was on student council with Matt and Greer. I also grew up with an older brother and was really close with some of his crazy friends. In fact, believe it or not. I was the only girl, um, for years in our little neighborhood that we grew up in, out in the country, the kind of neighborhood that we played, wiffle ball and hide and go seek around the neighborhood. We played army, we played a game. We call we a game that we called butts up. I would love to hear if any of you have ever played a game called butts up because I don't even know who invented this, but you literally had to like bend over and like grab your ankles. And everyone else had like a big bouncy ball and had, or, I mean, worst case scenario, a soccer ball that would hurt a lot worse and they had to kick it or throw it. I can't remember. And try to hit your butt. And if they did then like you were out, I think is how it worked. Yeah. That's the kinda stuff we did in the summertime with the boys that I grew up with. Yeah. I did not do any of those things. When girls finally moved into my neighborhood, two girls, Michelle and Carissa, I actually ended up living with in college way down the road. But before that, we were absolutely doing tons of sleepovers cooking together, baking together. I mean, shopping like we did you, I finally got my chance like to do all the girly girl stuff when, when those two, um, moved into the neighborhood at about the same time. So again, very diverse group of friends, right? Like I did have my kind of whatever cheerleader friends, but some of my friends were great athletes. One of my best friends was a phenomenal, an old golfer. She, um, was also a basketball player. One of my friends was an insanely good tennis player. She also happened to be halfway freaking crazy from the time I knew her in preschool in high school, she was more of a risk taker than me. That was just her nature. She Rove like a maniac. She was loud and funny and, uh, impulsive in ways that I was not at all yet. She was good for me. I loosened up with her. I got into my first little bit of trouble with her on occasion. So yeah, I I'm grateful for that friendship too. I'm grateful for going to student council camp the summer before my senior year of high school for so many reasons. One of those reasons is because one of my very best friends, Latonya Joe, is what I call her. That's her middle name, uh, went with me and it totally developed friendship into a really close one that, um, actually led to us rooming together at Mao. My first year of college, our first year of college, pretty special kinds of relationships there. So as I have been babbling about my childhood and my friends in high school, I hope that you've been thinking on your own about some of your friends. Did some of them lead you astray? Did you get in trouble? Did you get your first detention with one of'em? Because I did drink for the first time confide in them share hurt each other's feelings. Get in fights. I did all of that with so many of my friends. I also found myself without enough friends at times, one of my super close friends. Katie had moved into our school district in middle school and within, I think she only lived in our school district, maybe four years, seventh grade through junior, sophomore, junior year of high school. It's ridiculous that I can't remember. She was my best, best, best friend. We were very, very, very similar personality types. Um, I was crushed when she moved. And I think part of the reason that I was crushed is because I pretty much only hung out with her and my boyfriend. So I didn't know where I, where my place was. Like, I didn't know who my people were because I had simply abandoned a lot of'em I think, and put all of my focus and energy just into my friendship with Katie and just into my relationship with my boyfriend. So when she moved, I mean, talk about being devastated to be left behind. It was tragic. It was really, really hard. Um, and it did lead to me kind of hanging out with different people my senior year that's okay, too. I mean, I definitely learned a lot from it. Wondering if any of that ever happened to any of you? I bet. So. And I wonder two, how your relationships in high school, how that played out, did that change? Who you hung out with? My boyfriend was a year older than me and I hung out with a lot of people from his grade that also led to my senior year being weird because a lot of the people that I spent a lot of my time with wasn't a, even that close of friends, especially with the girls, like I hung out with older girls a lot, but I wasn't like one of them, I was just kind of like, you know, the girlfriend that was a year younger that hung out with them. But, um, yeah, it kind of led to, again, kind of, uh, identity crisis my senior year, because I didn't know where I fit in my boyfriend and his friends had all moved on. Obviously my friend had moved to a different town and there I was all alone had to figure it out. But I did, I can only imagine, like I remember how sad my parents were for me when my friend Katie moved. And I can only imagine how I would feel. Um, so sympathetic for Laney, if that happened to her, luckily it hasn't. So let's move on now to how some of the people in our life affect us in our adult world that we live in. Now, let's talk about your work friends. Mm. I have been in the pharmaceutical medical device industry for a while now. And let me tell you, it is a little bit of a wacky world in that. Um, I've worked for some very big companies with very big sales forces in some kind of, um, unknown times in this industry that I am in. There is a lot of threat of job loss and change mergers, acquisitions, lay offs in particular layoffs, right before Christmas. That's what my industry is known for. So throughout all these times, you can imagine the rumor mill tends to be rampant. And when you do go through things like layoffs and people being forced in, into early retirement and severance packages and things of that sort and leadership comes and goes and could be phenomenal one moment and absolutely heinous the next it's all happened to me. And let me just tell you how grateful I am to have the support of wonderful people around me. I could rattle off two dozen names, at least of friends of mine that I have made and maintained friendships with over the years, just from this industry, this work life alone. Now, some of them like, and Christina, Melissa, and Tracy and Jill and Tara and Stacy I've worked with before. I've been on teams with them. I've been in the same district or region, still super duper, freaking close, um, years and later some more than others, but always there for one another. And then there are like ancillary friends who worked at different companies than me, but we knew each other just from like being in the industry together. So like Tony would be in that boat. My friends, Susan, I mean, these are women that hosted or attended podcast launch parties for me, like 12 years after I met them for the first time. These are lifelong friends. These are women that I will be friends with until the day I die. Most of these women that I've just rattled off names, we'll go to each other's kids, weddings. We'll be, you know, retiring together one day. Most likely we've seen each other through death and divorce and marriage and birth. And I am so grateful for this wacky industry that I'm in. I tell people all the time and I think I've even said it on this podcast. If you guys are starting a business venture, a, you know, writing a book, trying to build a company or a business, I hope you have a sales force behind you. Like I do, because it is a beautiful, miraculous thing to be, um, surrounded with such talented, talented, like outgoing, intelligent people. Like I am my friend, Karen happens to be one of my early single friends. She's also from the pharmaceutical industry and we became friends because she worked with my friend, Tracy, you see how that works? I mean, crazy right? How interconnected some of our worlds can be just because we're in the same industry. It's kind of bizarre. But as I started off saying, I've been through some tumultuous times, I've been laid off myself. I have survived layoffs, but I've been demoted during layoffs. I have lost incredible managers and leaders that have been replaced with people. I did not want to work for. When you go through something like that, the people that you work with that you choose to text with, to take calls from, to confide in one another and vent it all matters. Are you kidding me? I was on a district with Jenna and Chris and Greg and Joel and boy were we tight because we were going through some stuff together, drew Ann, oh my Lord. We went through some stuff together and I'm so grateful that they were my people by my side. So grateful. It wasn't just them. There were others too, that I'm leaving out. But those are my people keep batting around this topic that I wanna do for a podcast episode. One of my friends really keeps encouraging me to do it. She wants me to do a podcast episode about like, can men and women really just be friends or at the end of the day is one of them actually super attracted to the other one. So I am in the camp that I believe men and women can be just friends. And it's really my work friends that have taught this to me. Many of my male friends in life are work associates of mine who are happily married, insanely devoted to their wives. Totally in love. Happy. All of that. We are friends platonic like professional and not so professional friends, true friends. My friend Joel has even edited chapters of man shopping with Stacy, not the podcast, the book people he and his wife met. Oh my gosh. They've been married a long time now, but they met a long time ago on like a dating app on match.com. So I knew they could both relate to it. I wanted Joel to proofread some of my writing because he's one of the funniest people I know. I look up to him. I needed some more humor in my book. I needed him to tell me what was funny and wasn't, you know what wasn't and I needed a male perspective and I trusted him, Greg, my other work buddy. He was one of the first people I to hold about this crazy idea to, to write a book. Really. He was one of my early encouragers because one of the things that he said has been like my mantra this whole time. He said, Stacy, what I could already envision. And this is his words, not mine. He said, I could totally see you being interviewed on like Ellen or the today show or something. And you would just sit there and just be yourself. And he said, that's, what's gonna make you successful because you'll just say things as they are. And you are transparent and people like that about you. Well, geez. I mean, I've carried that theme through everything I've done so far. I'm not trying to be anybody else. That was advice I got from my work buddy, Greg. So what I'm saying is I am blessed with people who live to me up and make me better. And I admire, and that make me laugh and keep work fun. Work with a guy named Sean too. That is a total dry sense of humor. So funny. And when you choose people like them to, to on a bad day or to complain to on occasion, they don't let you spiral because they don't wanna be taken down by you and your negativity either. It goes both ways. I appreciate that. So much. One of my friends that I worked with absolutely led me to resource to help me understand that my ex now ex-husband was struggling with an addiction to alcohol. She shared her story with me in a very honest and raw way, led me to podcast books. Some other, you know, resources, more than anything though. She just listened. She listened and she didn't try to influence me or tell me what to do. She shared her experiences with me, things that she had learned, and she just listened. And she was there for me and supported me. It was amazing. That was a work friend started off that way anyway. Right. So who do you work with? Who do you choose to sit with in the break room? Who do you choose to text? When you have a bad day, something to goes wrong. Are you texting people who listen and then redirect and tell you that it's gonna get better tomorrow? Do you have somebody that you can label your manager names like Dick smack? Because I've done that for one of my friends, she had a horrible manager. He was bad in every way. You couldn't say anything good about him. So we just made up funny names and made fun of him. It helped, it helped her get through. She found a different job. It didn't take long. She wasn't gonna stick around and work for an. She, uh, she knew better. She, she was better than that. And I helped encourage her to move on while we just made fun of that guy behind his back. Yep. That's the kind of friend I am. Go ahead. Let me know if you need any comedy relief. Um, I'll, I'll make fun of people with you. It's necessary. We gotta get through this stuff together and you gotta have people you trust that can be hard and tricky at work. It can be very hard to know who to trust. One of the easiest ways is just to be a little vulnerable. Put yourself out there just a little bit. See how they respond. Do they keep your secrets? Do they, do they share theirs with you? I mean, if so, they might be your people. So choose wisely. It'll have great impact on your career. I have so many friends that I have, um, been the recipient recipient of referrals to other jobs. I have given people, Hey, heads up, I've got a friend at this company. They something's coming open at some point in life, especially in sales. It's a large part. I'm not gonna say it's all about who, you know, but it matters. It matters. Your reputation matters. It carries you through. Um, what other people think of you? It does matter, maybe not in every industry, but I'd say, say significant portion. Even just in the past couple of years, since COVID several of my friends, um, have gotten new jobs and we've encouraged each other along the way, my friend Tracy has taken a new job. My friend Karen has taken a new job. I've taken a new job, all really great advancements in our career. And all three of us have been each other's biggest cheerleaders, totally happy for one another to land these great jobs. So we're lifting each other up. I hope that you have work or industry friends that do the same for you. I don't really think that this podcast would be complete without talking about our family members. If we are the sum of who we surround ourselves with, surely our partners, our ch children, our parents, our siblings, they all have a pretty great effect on us. If we are spending a significant amount of time with them. Now I know we just got through the holidays and that can be a big strain on any family, but it oftentimes brings up a lot of nostalgia, sometimes hard feelings, sometimes really difficult times, and it can be stressful. Do you have a family member that you tend to kind of sigh every time they call or text, are you the sole support person for a family member maybe who has a difficult time in life? It can be a heavy weight to bear. If it's a grown child, if it's a sibling, a parent, I don't care. These relationships can be really, really hard. I'm gonna give you an example of a really toxic one. I have a friend that comes from a big family. She has a bunch of siblings. One of those siblings happens to, in my opinion, not be a very good person. She's not nice. She's not nice at all. In fact, from an outsider's perspective, because that's what I am. I think she is incredibly selfish. Self-absorbed mean jealous. Yeah. All of those things. So over the course of the past several years, I've watched one of my friend and struggle with this relationship with her sister. This is the kind of like horrible, negative energy that, you know, she just wanted to avoid all the time, made her nervous. She was scared and like walking on eggshells, my friend was all the time because her sisters like temperament was so unpredictable and yet oddly predictable in the same way. Like she would say like, oh great. I know what's gonna happen now. But like any of us who have suffered some sort of trauma, although she knew what to expect, she was still like on the edge of her seat, like going, oh God, this is not gonna be good. I brace myself for impact. You know, that's a hard way to live. And this sister of hers called a lot. Um, they would have a big blow up and my friend would try to avoid the sister of hers for a matter of time. And then because my friend is a good person. She eventually would forgive. Sometimes she would apologize for things she didn't even do, but she would kind of use that whole, well, it's my sister. What do I do? You know? Um, until she, you couldn't do that anymore. You guys, sometimes people, even our own family members become so toxic and so negative that the right thing to do is to put a boundary up. I feel like this is what I did with my ex-husband whom I love, definitely loved him. At the time I put the boundary up, you have to, to protect yourself, to protect your children. In her case, she protects her kids, her spouse. I mean, everybody from this sister, you can't take phone calls from. So who's yelling at you calling you names, being nasty, being mean, not apologizing, not changing, not trying to do better. No. So I'm very, very proud of my friend who has put healthy boundaries up to protect herself from her very negative mean toxic sister. It's sad. It, I know my friend still struggles with it because the, you know, when you're a good person and you care, you have guilt over things like that. I carry guilt with, you know, for myself, with my, with my ex that's the only person I can really compare this, but you it's, in my opinion for what it's worth, it's the right thing to do because you cannot let that sort of abusive, negative energy infiltrate your life every day. It beats down your self confidence. It destroys your peace. It brings on incredible anxiety and sometimes physical signs of ailments as well. It's not good, not good at all. So I don't know. Sometimes I feel like people need to themselves, the space they need from people who are really, um, challenging or abusive like that, you have to guard your heart. That's what my stepdad would say. You have to guard your heart from, from things like that. Be protective of yourself and your own feelings. They matter your feelings matter too. Okay. A little, little less. Let's go on to something maybe a little bit more light. I am really grateful that I have a group of friends who were neighbors and also parents of lady's friends. I've talked about this a lot. One of my closest friends is Lisa, my ex next door neighbor. Karen has been a great friend to me through the years. My friend, Kylie, who has since moved, um, her daughter and my daughter were also friends in our neighborhood. And my friend harmony, I'm telling you about all these people because they are incredibly different people. My next door neighbor, Karen was like the best next door neighbor on the planet. We looked out for one another. We, you know, caught up on a daily. We lived fairly similar lives and just made it very, very easy casual friendship. That ended up feeling very much like family watching each other's kids grow up side by side next door to one another, my friend Lisa. Hmm. Well, she's the one who helped me to in my separation, our daughters have grown to be best friends over the years, but they've been close friends since elementary school. So we have kind of slow grown, a really tight relationship. That's just gotten better over the past few years. Obviously I can relate to these women because we're mothers and that's maybe the first thing that we share in common or the most overt thing that we share in common. And I like it that we also have our differences. I mean, some of it's little like Lisa's the mom of an athlete. Riley's really driven by sports and my kid never has. So even though like our girls are different and they're very close friends, Lisa and I are different too. Lisa's in a different industry than I am. Lisa's married. Um, but Lisa's also a stepmom. And so she and I have shared a lot of wisdom and questions and stories through the years of what that role in life is like, because it's very unique. And I went to her for a lot of advice and learned a lot just through our conversations about that. We're quick and easy friends. We have a lot of things in common. We were, we both tend to be home bodies, believe it or not. I am a home body at heart, for sure. So oftentimes when we get together, it's like, Hey, I am in sweats. So if you do come over, please bring a bottle of wine and wear your sweats. That's the kind of friends we are. We curl up on couches and talk together while our girls hang out. And I love, love, love Lisa for that, my friend, Kylie and I, we moved into our neighborhood as outsiders at the same time. And we forged a friendship in be from like being different. No one knew us. And, um, again, I feel like like Kylie's initial degree was like in engineering. That's like the furthest, like I would never in a million years be able to acquire a degree in engineering. If that just kind of gives you an idea of how different our brains work and that little caveat, I think played out in a lot of D ways because Kylie oftentimes looked at life and people and relationships and obstacles and things different than I did. And you know, what made her a great friend. She was willing to have a differing opinion than me. She did not just tell me what I wanted to here. She challenged me. She questioned me. And I think that is a great quality and a friend. And I hope that I did the same for her. My friend harmony. I hope if you do not have a friend like harmony, I hope you can find one. Harmony is exactly like her name sounds. She's a musician. She has a beautiful singing voice. She can play the acoustic guitar. She is a brilliant artist. She's a beautiful painter. She is my spiritual sister. She's the only woman friend of mine ever that I've sat down and prayed with. She's so nonjudgmental. She's so calming. She's so introverted and such a great listener. Oh my gosh. I mean, I could confide in her without fearing judgment. I could share things with her and know that she was going to pray about me. And I did the same for her. It was amazing. Now these last two friends of mine, Kylie and harm many have moved long distances away. And I miss them. I feel their loss all the time, But I'm so insanely grateful for the years that we did have close together. And I'm so glad that there's still a part of my life today. But again, I just have to reiterate, If you don't have a call, me, maybe you are the calming, quiet spiritual friend. Um, but if that's not you, if you are, or of a high energy extroverted person like me, I highly recommend you find somebody different than you. I think this whole idea of being the sum, who we surround ourselves with, it's really important to not surround yourself with people. Exactly like you, the same color as you, the same age as you, the same beliefs that you have, the same personality type that you have. My friend said it best. She said, are your friends diversified? Your friendships should be diversified. Just like you would like your financial portfolio. I think that's really great advice. We don't need a bunch of yes. Men around us, right? We need people who C Jess, like my friend Kylie does makes us look at life a little bit differently. Think about things in a different way. See them from a different perspective. I feel really fortunate that I have all of these friends. Like I get along well with my family, my mom, my dad, they're they're uh, um, husband and wife, respectively, my brother and I have been great friends since we were kids. I'm lucky. I consider myself lucky that I've made friends in different parts of the country because I've lived in some different areas. Whenever I was married to Lane's dad, before she was even born, we lived in a little town called Watkinsville, Georgia near Athens, where UGA is, it's such a beautiful little city. And we became really good friends with our neighbors across the street who were young like us. And when we became friends, we did not have any children yet. So we went to a ton of dinners together, hung out at each other's houses, partied took little mini vacations. They also introduced us. Our neighbors did to another couple, Jay and Brian. So we had Dana and Chris across the street and Jay and Brian, two couples, friends. And, um, I haven't seen either couple, let's see since Laney was nine months old, we had made a trip back. Um, but thanks to social media, I pretty well know what life has looked like for both of them for the past, you know, 15 ish years. Isn't that crazy. Uh, 16 years I've watched their lives progress. We have messaged one another, um, kept up with one another, like via Facebook and as sad. And, um, you know, pathetic as that may sound, I am so grateful to see their photos, to see their live stories unfold, to see their kids grow up, to see their lives evolve. It's fricking amazing. I have big lofty goals to get Laney down, to visit UGA, um, hopefully this summer. And you better believe when we make it down to Athens, Georgia, we will be calling up my old friends while we're down there because it's incredibly important to me. I've to get lane down there, um, for a long, long time. So it's just really cool, you know, I'm, we all have those people from different, you know, different little periods of time. And I just think, I, you know, I'm at a place where I think I can make the effort and make that happen. So by God, I gonna gonna hook up with all of them. And, you know, whenever I moved to Kansas city, I lived in a little neighborhood called Waldo where I was so blessed and fortunate to have so many supportive, married friends. And I've told the stories before that I was basically the only, or next to the only, you know, divorced young person with a young, um, pre-K kindergarten, you know, early elementary age kid, um, out of a divorced home. And I was welcomed into that little Catholic community like nobody's business. And my friend Stacy, I, I mean, um, was just tremendously supportive of lane. And I, our daughters were so super close. They were the cutest little girlfriends ever. And, um, it just her friendship, not only did she help me, like literally helped me with childcare Laney, but she shared her little girl with me. So, um, her daughter was one of the first to ever like hang out in my home, play dates and things like that. And we got to watch those little girls grow up and maintain their friendship. And you better believe their friends on social media and follow one another and still know what's up in their lives too, which is so cool to see how that can evolve, you know, and from that same time in my life, um, I was introduced to a, another mom friend actually, um, when I dated Funko and, uh, her name is Mandy and talk about like life of all clean because, um, when we were friends, I was divorced, but she was married, um, to her, you know, college boyfriend and they were married a long time, have three children together and now she's divorced. So she is, um, you know, also kind of like Karen, my friend, one of my first, um, organic, like, um, single mom, friends, if you will, like before the podcast, before I started meeting a lot of people in the singles community, um, they were my friends before that, you know, so, um, it's been great to also have those friendships. Um, like the one I have with Mandy that life has changed a lot since we first met, um, both of our lives have taken, um, taken turns that maybe we didn't expect, but our friendship has remained and stayed intact. And I am just super grateful, um, grateful for that. And while I'm talking mom, friends, I would certainly be Remis. If I did not mention Lane's boyfriend's mom, Christie, who I've become really good friends with just in the past few. I mean, I feel like I've hit the jackpot, like in every direction with, um, Lane's choice and a boyfriend, because not only do I adore him and think that they're such a great match, but I love his family and I love getting to know them. And it's a very, um, cool and safe place to be when you've got two mamas looking out for the teenagers and love, it's pretty special. I think I've made a lot of new friends in the past six months. A lot. It didn't have happen from staying in my sweats on my couch though, as much as I would like it, if everyone would just come to me to hang out, um, I put myself out there, put myself out there in a huge way. So I'm not trying to say that you have to do that, but you guys like this divorced over 40 on the line group, that I'm a part of. We throw out there all the time, like once a month, like, Hey, we're all gonna get together. Oftentimes it's just a couple people that show up to things. Um, so I guess my point is, if you get invited to go to places where you can meet new people and make new friends, I highly encourage you to do it. Your life will be more well rounded, more fulfilled, more fun. That way. I believe that we humans are on this planet to connect and to learn from one another. And you can't do that if you're isolating yourself, you know, as an adult, one of the first, um, friendships that I forged was in Wichita, Kansas, when I was married to Lane's dad, a neighbor, um, neighbor's daughter actually came over and she's like, oh my gosh, she looked like we're about the same age. I mean, cuz let's be real. We were like 2 25 or something. She, she was like, you've gotta meet my friends. You have to join the junior league of Wichita. Will you come with me next week? It was like a cult. I was like, yes, nodding my head. I will come with you. Yes I will. I'm joking. I met wonderful friends. That was Holly. I became very close friends, um, with a girl Paige that I met and another girl, Emily, I'm still friends with these three women today. I don't see them as much as I would like to, but Hey, guess what? Holly, Paige and Emily were all at my launch party at Holly's house in Wichita, Kansas. They've been my friends. I mean, oh my gosh. For like, I can't even since lane was lane and Holly's son were friends when they were like two and three years old. Yeah. It's been a, it's been a minute. You guys like 13 years. So if I hadn't been open to her invitation, willing to take time away from my young husband, I would not have met Paige and Emily and I wouldn't have forged these friendships that I hope last my whole lifetime. So don't let it be an excuse if you're young and you have young children make it work. I get asked that a lot online. Like you're out with different people all the time. Like I can't even get my friends to commit my advice every time stay on them. Tell your friends it's important to you make it work. I mean, I do so many like coffee get togethers. I have a flexible lunch so I can do that too. Granted, I get it. Like my kid is on her own. She's 16. She drives, she's got her own life, her own work, schedule everything. But even, even when she was little, I formed these friendships. I was friends with TA back then I was friends with Tony back then, Holly, Paige, Emily. A lot of these girls that I'm talking about. I was friends when lane was very, very little and I've maintained those friendships through the years now. We've also gone long periods of time without talking, but you know what? It, we've granted each other grace and gotten through those years and we're still friends. So if I can do it, trust me, you can do it because I was a real disconnected friend, um, for a good amount of time. And I am, uh, not too big to apologize to come crawling back and ask to be in people's lives again. And uh, yeah, earn my keep. I've had to do that more than once guys, more than once. Uh, just be humble. Tell, tell your friends you need'em it's important then really, uh, be discerning, surround yourself with people that lift you up that motivate you without my friends, Melissa and Tracy, who, who I have, um, who I have given the titles of my creative directors of the podcast in my book, none of this would've happened without their encouragement and support. Um, if any of you all need a motivational speaker or a standup comedian, I would highly recommend my friend, Melissa. And um, if you don't know my friend Tracy, you're missing out because she is call me and, and encouraging. And they're both just so positive. And they are a couple of people that I talk to, um, a tremendous amount every single day. Talk to my mom almost every day too. And you know, what's really great about moms. Moms will to every single mundane detail or at least my mom does every single, like my grocery list, like exactly what's going on in Lane's life, day in, day out, what I made for dinner. Um, you know, that I went to, uh, wash my car, whatever she cares and listens. She's a good listener, I guess maybe that's why I talk so much because she doesn't, I don't know. But you get what I'm saying, surround yourself with people that are different, that, that bring good things to your life and you will be better for it without a doubt. So to wrap up, thank you so much for listening to this episode, I feel like is really long. We'll have to see. Um, it's hard to tell sometimes when I record episode 38, I get by with a little help from my friends. You better believe it. And I'm gonna put, I'm gonna just pitch this out there to you guys. If you have anything to weigh in on the male, female friendship, uh, podcast idea, please hit me up and let me know, uh, you know, which, which side you land on. Can men and women just be friends? Is there always some sort of sexual undertone? I wanna hear some examples. I wanna hear some real life stuff. Send it my way. If you're a man or a woman, I'll be making some posts online, cuz I, I wanna catch some actual, uh, voice memos. So please share. Please do share. I have some convers conversations with some friends lined up, so I don't know which episode is gonna, is gonna lay on next. So I got nothing to tease for you, but thanks again for listening. If you haven't already, please give me a rating on apple or Spotify and I would really, really appreciate it. If you could take just a sec to write a written review, it does not have to be a lengthy dissertation, just a simple note so that when people look up my podcast, they, they know it's worth listening to thank you friends.